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#133286 - 12/08/00 04:52 PM You guys & gals want jokes?
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Confession
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133287 - 12/08/00 05:38 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Debbie Offline
Thank you zeke for that tasteless, but much awaited, humor. We miss it.
Bill...... Comments? I know you're lurking around on the board again......
Debbie

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#133288 - 12/08/00 06:16 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
This any better?

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.
"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain't all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over thirty years old."
"My goodness Jack, and at your age too." the doctor said.
"I hope you took at least some precautions."

"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet doc. I gave 'em all a phony name."
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133289 - 12/08/00 08:33 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
TC Offline
Here's a few quicky men/women jokes that may make you laugh. Enjoy.
Q: Why are men like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word they say.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs, and diamonds.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: "What Men Know About Women."

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can get closer to the sink.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Q: What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A: A hot dog and a six pack.

Q: Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A: Because they don't have any.

Q: Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
A: It doesn't need cleaning yet.

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: Why Did God create Adam first?
A: So he'd have a chance to talk before Eve came along.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: How can you tell a woman with PMS from a woman without PMS?
A: Beats the hell out of me.

Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Q: Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.

Q: Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
A: So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.


[This message has been edited by TC (edited 12-08-2000).]

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#133290 - 12/08/00 10:21 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Anonymous
ROFLMAO! zeke, knew i could count on you for the raunchiest jokes! tc - funny! i tell lousy jokes, so i'll just keep reading instead!

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#133291 - 12/09/00 03:53 AM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Chloe Offline
If you are american before going into the bathroom.

And if you are american after leaving the bathroom.

What were you while you were in the bathroom.

"EUROPEAN"
_________________________
Dare To Deviate

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#133292 - 12/09/00 05:02 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Steve was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through the floor tile and ripped off both of
his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather
large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Steve decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business. After
weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But after signing on the dotted line,
he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire
someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything
he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Steve asked him,
"Do you notice anything different about me?"

The gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears". Steve got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question,

"Do you notice anything different about me?

She replied, "Well, you have no ears." Steve again was upset and tossed her out. The third and last interview was the best of all three.

It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Steve was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."

Steve was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man.

How in the world did you know that?"

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133293 - 12/09/00 06:27 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Rod Allen Offline
This is for Chloe:.... this was probably plucked from the same cereal box as the "Ur-a-pee-un"

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road???
Because he had no "guts"!!!
Rod

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#133294 - 12/09/00 06:46 PM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Chloe Offline
LOL Rod you and I read the same material.

This one is my favorite.

What is the difference of RAPTURE and RAPE.

"Presentation."
_________________________
Dare To Deviate

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#133295 - 12/10/00 12:24 AM Re: You guys & gals want jokes?
Anonymous
boo, hiss. you guys just arent in zekes league (nor am i!)

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