New Year's Sayings (Part I)
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world
New Year's Sayings (Part II)
If you must choose between two evils pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
If you look like your passport picture you probably need the trip.
Always yield to temptation because it may not pass your way again.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.