Jane...thought I should make a post to show my kinder gentler side....now I can understand why you dislike us conservatives!
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like. (And then she moves!)
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.