Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#133683 - 01/10/01 02:29 AM Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
when I do read Playboy I ONLY read the articles for I would never dream of looking at those pictures. I have a daughter you know!

>> HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
>> > >
>> > >1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
>to
>> lights and darks.
>> > >
>> > >2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband
>> along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>> > >
>> > >3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note ---
>must
>> do more sit-ups.
>> > >
>> > >4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
>loofah,
>> wide loofah, and pumice stone.
>> > >
>> 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added
>vitamins.
>> > >
>> > >6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>> > >
>> 7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with
>natural
>> avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
>> > >
>> 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until
>red.
>> > >
>> > >9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
>> > >
>> 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come
>off).
>> > >
>> > >11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
>get
>> it waxed instead.
>> > >
>> 12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the
>water
>> pressure.
>> > >
>> > >13. Turn off shower.
>> > >
>> > >14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
>Tilex.
>> > >
>> > >15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
>> hair in super absorbent second towel.
>> > >
>> > >16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
>> > >
>> 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>> > >
>> 18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and
>> then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
>> >
>> > >HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
>> > >
>> 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
>a
>> pile.
>> > >
>> 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake
>your
>> wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
>> > >
>> 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see
>if
>> you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and
>scratch
>> your ass.
>> > >
>> > >4. Get in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
>> > >
>> > >6. Wash your face.
>> > >
>> > >7. Wash your armpits.
>> > >
>> > >8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
>> > >
>> > >9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
>> > >
>> > >10. Majority of time is spent washing privates and surrounding area.
>> > >
>> > >11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
>> > >
>> > >12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
>> > >
>> > >13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
>> > >
>> > >14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
>> > >
>> > >15. Pee (in the shower).
>> > >
>> 16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor
>> because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
>> > >
>> > >17. Partially dry off.
>> > >
>> > >18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size
>again.
>> > >
>> > >19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
>> > >
>> > >20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
>> > >
>> 21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
>> wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo"
>sound
>> again.
>> > >
>> > >22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133684 - 01/10/01 03:52 AM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
MamaLiz Offline
I don't know about those pictures, but you must have been peeking into my bathroom - the guy stuff just cracked me up!

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#133685 - 01/10/01 04:47 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
Debbie Offline
the truth often times hurts..... LOL
this was priceless!!!

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#133686 - 01/10/01 05:08 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

.....To stop the snoring before it starts.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133687 - 01/10/01 05:15 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
I'm giving you girls plenty of ammo for your hubbies!

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?


.....When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133688 - 01/10/01 05:20 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news.

'I've got some good news and some bad news', The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and said, 'Well, give me the good news first.'

Smiling, The Lord explained, 'I've got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.

The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.'

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, 'These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?'

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, 'The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.'
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#133689 - 01/10/01 10:18 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
Debbie Offline
Hey Zeke Baby!!!
Can we hire you for our next party??? LOL You would bring down the roof with everyone in hysterics!!

Hey still using that sexy icon? Haven't seen it in a while........

Deb

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#133690 - 01/11/01 09:22 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
Anonymous
they keep me smiling tho...

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#133691 - 01/11/01 09:26 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
Anonymous
oh, so last week, my daughter (age 6) sees gabrielle reese on last month's issue (ok, frank subscribes, but i read articles too) and asks "mommy, why is that lady on the magazine naked?"

what would your answer be ???

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#133692 - 01/11/01 09:34 PM Re: Janie Baby..I never said I made these up but
Debbie Offline
She's on vacation!!!

(No truer words were ever spoken!)
Debbie

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