* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?

* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

* No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.

* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.

* I used to come here all the time with my ex.

* I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.

* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

* I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

* Susie would it be alright if Mrs. Zeke joined us tonight?

* Mrs.Zeke would it be alright if Susie joined us tonight?

* Of course Jane you are the only woman I would even THINK of cheating on Mrs.Zeke and Susie with! How could you possibly think otherwise? What do you think I am?
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.