What does it mean when a woman is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough

Why do only 10% of women make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do women like smart men?
Opposites attract.

PUBES

He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter.

He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you."

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She says, "Go ahead."

He says, "Can you PEE through all that hair?"

She says, "Of course."

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

hey zekester... now i know where you been!! and why ya been in hiding...


A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar.
After a number of drinks, they agree to go
back to his place. As they are kissing in
the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his
muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's
1000 pounds of dynamite!" She smiles.

The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's
pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs,
"See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance,
she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks,
"Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such
a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

oh, ha ha ha ha. i have known guys like that!!

and all this time I thought you were "nice" girls.....

Nice girls .....HELL!!!
I vividly remember some college days.... And the word pencil comes to mind..... LOL Some idiot my Dad fixed me up with. Figures......
Debbie

Well, then...let me introduce you to the 'Ole Pegleg!!! Guaranteed to please, or you'll walk the plank! (which happens to be mounted on the headboard)
Funny...I don't remember much about my college days.....must've had more fun than you!!!!

Oh Debbie, you and I are one in the same. I remember college for the same reasons, I definitly got an education and I learned real quick, guys can't measure.
Anyways, like I said after the penis list, so many, so little time. It's a shame guys don't have to wear identification tags to show the goods, or at least referrences to show they know what to do with what they got. Just my opinion, not that anyone asked for it.
Punta Rebel Girl

college, yeah. for me, high school!

however, when you are a tiny girl like i was, nearly everyone is big. (DID YOU HEAR THAT, MEN??)

Well guess I need to throw my 2 cents in here.... just remember people... it's not the size of the magician's wand but the magic in it!

Punta Girl...where the hell were you when I was 16???...and don't say in diapers, I'd expect that from Not_So_Under_40_Diann...


[This message has been edited by Over_40_Pirate (edited 04-24-2001).]

At the office urinal the other day, the one man noticed a tattoo on the penis of the man next to him read "DIANN", and asking "I thought your wife's name was DEBBIE"?? he replied yes! but the tattoo was from an old girl friend---whats the tattoo on your penis say "WENDY"? No!! he told him, it says "WELCOME TO CHICAGO AND HAVE A GOOD DAY"

Let me clarify here.....
Yes, in college, the "pencil dick" was a major disappointment... Can't deny that. But I have to agree with Denny here, once again. NOw that I'm older, experienced and very choosy, I have to agree that quality is MUCH more important than quantity. The magic in the wand so to speak.... I look back on the fools I dated in college... They were CLUELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There ARE some advantages to middle age...
Debbie

Over 40, I will tell you the same thing I tell my over 40 husband when he asks where I was when he was in high school, I was on the playground in elementary school playing kick ball. He would have been arrested for coming after me then.
And Debbie you are right, all our patience did pay off and middle age has brought great happiness. However, I did not know that the men in Chicago could have such tattoos on their personal affects, I did know that that is a common welcome sign in Jamaica though.
One of my closest friends lives in Chicago, I will need to speak with her.
Punta Rebel Girl

Denny,

With all the time you spend in cold showers, you better HOPE it's not in the size of the wand!

No wonder I like kickball..... Nice to know us over_40_types are appreciated. The ole Pirate's still got a swagger in his step!!!(either that or I drank too much!)

lol AC, my wand is an appropriate size thank you... lol

[This message has been edited by Denny Shane (edited 04-26-2001).]

Denny,

Your oral skills are excellent.....I mean, with all the funny things you say.

AC, you are correct... my oral skills are excellent. Much of my oral training came from France and Italy. I would spend hour after hour, long minute by minute exercising. I wanted to be perfect... Today I is very happy with all of me skills... Thanks for noticing....

sweet talking & compliments will always get me there fast. denny, you do your thing, boy! these guys are EONS behind you!

I am sure that when we were in college or whatever, most gals did come across a pencil dick and that is exactly what I called it too, Debbie.

Laurie

I can't help wondering with this talk about pencil dicks.... how was his handwriting tho?

I dunno......I have a real THICK crayon....

Um, crayons are shorter than pencils, anyone out there got a thick pencil? Oh my, where has this conversation gone?

If anyone wants a picture of MY pencil, privately email me... lol

girth is the issue...

JANE......
You are soooooooooooo bad! HA

God..I go away and you all get WAY out of control..SHEEZZE!!!!

Welcome back Axeman. Looks like you're just in time..... LOL
HeY! I remember those really fat "training" pencils in kindergarten.....
Debbie