Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#135764 - 04/23/01 08:32 PM diann baby
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
What does it mean when a woman is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough

Why do only 10% of women make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do women like smart men?
Opposites attract.


He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter.

He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you."

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She says, "Go ahead."

He says, "Can you PEE through all that hair?"

She says, "Of course."

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#135765 - 04/24/01 08:19 PM Re: diann baby
diann Offline
hey zekester... now i know where you been!! and why ya been in hiding...

A large, muscular guy meets a woman at a bar.
After a number of drinks, they agree to go
back to his place. As they are kissing in
the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his
muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's
1000 pounds of dynamite!" She smiles.

The man then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's
pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs,
"See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

Finally, he drops his boxers, and after a quick glance,
she grabs her handbag and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks,
"Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such
a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

#135766 - 04/24/01 10:18 PM Re: diann baby
oh, ha ha ha ha. i have known guys like that!!

#135767 - 04/24/01 11:58 PM Re: diann baby
Over_40_Pirate Offline
and all this time I thought you were "nice" girls.....

#135768 - 04/25/01 12:06 AM Re: diann baby
Debbie Offline
Nice girls .....HELL!!!
I vividly remember some college days.... And the word pencil comes to mind..... LOL Some idiot my Dad fixed me up with. Figures......

#135769 - 04/25/01 12:38 AM Re: diann baby
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Well, then...let me introduce you to the 'Ole Pegleg!!! Guaranteed to please, or you'll walk the plank! (which happens to be mounted on the headboard)
Funny...I don't remember much about my college days.....must've had more fun than you!!!!

#135770 - 04/25/01 01:07 AM Re: diann baby
Punta Rebel Girl Offline
Oh Debbie, you and I are one in the same. I remember college for the same reasons, I definitly got an education and I learned real quick, guys can't measure.
Anyways, like I said after the penis list, so many, so little time. It's a shame guys don't have to wear identification tags to show the goods, or at least referrences to show they know what to do with what they got. Just my opinion, not that anyone asked for it.
Punta Rebel Girl
Debbie, the Punta Girl

#135771 - 04/25/01 01:26 AM Re: diann baby
college, yeah. for me, high school!

however, when you are a tiny girl like i was, nearly everyone is big. (DID YOU HEAR THAT, MEN??)

#135772 - 04/25/01 01:34 AM Re: diann baby
Denny Shane Offline
Well guess I need to throw my 2 cents in here.... just remember people... it's not the size of the magician's wand but the magic in it!

#135773 - 04/25/01 03:07 AM Re: diann baby
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Punta Girl...where the hell were you when I was 16???...and don't say in diapers, I'd expect that from Not_So_Under_40_Diann...

[This message has been edited by Over_40_Pirate (edited 04-24-2001).]

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