Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#137031 - 06/24/01 06:01 PM Facts of life accoding to the Zekester
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right.
When it comes to love and sex, men are much more
responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as
women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important
thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells
you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to
you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last ?
A: There is no average time, but anything over two
minutes is good. Anything under that and you may be
rushing your man. After your man has finished making
love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly,
and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps
another activity, such as going out with his friends to
the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of
alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his
buddies. Don't feel left out--while he's gone you can
busy yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his
apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to
replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a
list of important activities for you to do after the
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not
quantity, is important, studies show this is simply
not true. The average erect male penis measures about
six centimeters. Anything longer than that is
extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's
sexual organ is seven centimeters or over, you should
go down on your knees and thank you lucky stars and do
everything possible to please him, such as doing his
laundry, cleaning his apartment and buying him an
expensive gift.

Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it ? There's no such thing. It's a myth.

Q: Are you sure?
A: Will you stop asking so many questions? Do you distrust men or something? Instead, prove how much you care for your boyfriend by going out and buying him an expensive gift.
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#137032 - 06/24/01 11:25 PM Re: Facts of life accoding to the Zekester
rickcheri Offline
bunches and bunches of BS!!!!! LOL

#137033 - 06/24/01 11:27 PM Re: Facts of life accoding to the Zekester
Debbie Offline
Ah Zeke...... What are we going to do with you? I agree Cheri!!! BS to the max. Glad to see your back to your old shenanigans...
How's the restaurant??? Did the insurance guys come through for you????

#137034 - 06/25/01 12:56 AM Re: Facts of life accoding to the Zekester
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
No insurance $$$$$ of yet. How about all board members chipping in to take care of the Ol'Zekester? I have a wife,three kids,two dogs,two rabbits, and two hampsters to feed. It is not easy being the Zekester!
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#137035 - 06/25/01 01:35 AM Re: Facts of life accoding to the Zekester
i'll send you one of my cats. that will take care of the hamsters & rabbit, and keep the dogs occupied for a while.

oh, you meant money? oh sorry, i must have left my wallet in my other purse.


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