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#137132 - 07/01/01 04:20 PM For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
AT LAST, SOMEONE SUMMED IT UP....

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.


5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money.


6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men
with money think we are only after their money.


7. The handsome men without money are after our money.


8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.


9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.


10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!


11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ... WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#137133 - 07/01/01 04:23 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Mrs. Zeke went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and the Zekester climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural.

I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," Mrs. Zeke complained, "It wakes me up!"
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#137134 - 07/01/01 04:26 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
No chocolate!

A lady goes into an ice cream parlor and asks for a quart of vanilla, a quart of strawberry, and a quart of chocolate ice cream. The man says, "I'm sorry our truck didn't come in today we have no chocolate ice cream."

So she asks for a pint of all three flavors. Once again he tells her that there truck didn't come in so they have NO chocolate ice cream. Then the lady asks for a cup of all three flavors.

So the guy is thinking to himself, "How do I get it through her head that we have no chocolate ice cream?"

He tells her to spell VAN as in the 1st three letters in vanilla.
So she says V-A-N.

Then he tells her to spell STRAW as in the 1st five letters in strawberry.
So she says S-T-R-A-W.

Finally, he says now spell [#%!] as in the 1st four letters in chocolate.

With a confused look the lady says "There is no [#%!] in chocolate" and the man says that's what I've been trying to tell you, "There is NO [#%!] CHOCOLATE!! !!"
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#137135 - 07/02/01 03:07 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
AC Beach Bum Offline
Thank you Zekester for sharing what all us single ladies already knew. How was I to know even 5 years ago that an intelligent, ambitious, good looking, funny, available man would be so hard to find?! How sad to think that I'd simply settle for heterosexual and employed at this point

I'm a bitter young lady, back after a weekend of being subjected to drunken slobs at the seashore meat market.

Maybe I should start looking for an older man???????? Where does one find these older, wiser, sexy, more experienced men? Married fellows need not apply

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#137136 - 07/02/01 05:03 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
AC BB.... Man if you could only delete that last sentence of yours....I think I found the perfect man for you.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Top
#137137 - 07/03/01 06:48 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
Anonymous
good jokes, zeke. liked 'em all.

acbb - the older ones just want to get in your... well, you know.

you will just know when it is the right one.

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#137138 - 07/03/01 08:01 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
Debbie Offline
Keep the faith, girlfriend.... There's one out there with your name on it.... LOL Start looking in the more "unlikely" places and you may be surprised.... If older men aren't a turn off, GO FOR IT!!! They're better in bed anyway.........
Debbie

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#137139 - 07/03/01 08:27 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
Chloe Offline
Ok I am old, having said that, need I say more.
But the best place to meet good men is to walk your dog in good neighborhoods, often.
Bigger the dog, bigger the attention, also weeds out the rift raft. Trust me it works.
Also waste no more time trying to understand MEN, just accept them as they are, or walk on. LOL
_________________________
Dare To Deviate

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#137140 - 07/03/01 11:44 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Thought I would post another gender joke while we are on the subject:

FEMALE PILOT

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did hear her right - is the captain a woman? I think I better have scotch and soda."

When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant,

"We no longer call it the cockpit."
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Top
#137141 - 07/03/01 11:46 PM Re: For you woman who can't understand us men
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
AND ANOTHER more raunchy one:

I'm Not Saying She's Easy, But...

She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.


She's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.


She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.


She's responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.


She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.


She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.


She's been mounted more often than Trigger.


She's been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins.


She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.


She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.


She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube


She's spent more time under men than barstools.


She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.


She's had more turnovers than the International House of
Pancakes.


She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.


She's had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.


Her body has been declared a national recreation area.


Her diaphragms come with a service contract.


She has an IUD with a beeper.


She uses industrial strength douche.


Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon
look-alike contest.


Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.


Her pantyhose has a pet door.


She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver
mistook her for the Holland Tunnel.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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