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#137390 - 07/16/01 09:56 PM Belikens are good for you
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise
can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many
beats, and that's it. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer; that's like saying you
can extend the life of your car by driving it
faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more
fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And
what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism
of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a
good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about
fruits and vegetables. As we all know,
scientists divide everything in the world into
three categories: animal, mineral, and
vegetable. We all know that beer and wine
are not animal, and they are not on the
periodic table of elements, so that only
leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid
vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have
body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you
have two bodies, your ratio is two to
one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot"
for him while he did the bench press. What
did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you
stand over him while he blows air up your
shorts. It's an accepted practice at health
clubs; though if you find that it becomes
the ONLY reason why you're going in, you
probably ought to reevaluate your exercise
program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My
philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual
expression and peace of mind. If you stop,
you'll probably stress yourself to death in
record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried
these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're
permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a
muscle, it gets bigger. You should only
be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#137391 - 07/16/01 10:42 PM Re: Belikens are good for you
IslandJunkie Offline
Nope, no more misconceptions here. They're all out the window now. Maybe I'll skip the gym today. If I had one, maybe I could be convinced to trade my workout for a Belekin. After all, a girl needs her veggies, right? HA!

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#137392 - 07/16/01 10:46 PM Re: Belikens are good for you
BC Offline
Here is a man who has a crystal clear out look on the true meaning of a happier life.
Now why can not woman see the true meaning as clearly as a man?

[This message has been edited by BC (edited 07-16-2001).]

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#137393 - 07/17/01 12:05 AM Re: Belikens are good for you
diann Offline
......because BC, we don't look at life thru a bottle and see two big 'headlites' as you men do; we've got the view at the other end!!!! get my point?!??!

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#137394 - 07/18/01 12:57 AM Re: Belikens are good for you
Anonymous
i also understand that cookie crumbs have no calories (they fall out when they break), and cheesecake is also calorie & fat free, if no one sees you eat it.

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#137395 - 07/18/01 07:11 AM Re: Belikens are good for you
diann Offline
tell me that includes chocolate, pizza, fudgesicles, almond joys and rbf's!!!

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