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#137469 - 07/18/01 02:58 PM Advice
ShellyBelly Offline
This message is to anyone who has lived in the states and moved to AC. I am a 14 year old girl and I went to AC for a vaca w/ my parents this past Feb. I fell in love w/ the island and I met someone and fell in love w/ him. Now I plan on moving to AC when I am a little older and once I finish school and maybe meeting up with my love again. So I want to know if you think this "fantasy" could possibly come true or is just a little crush and I'll get over it and move on.
You can e-mail me at chr173714@aol.com or sweetshellyp@aol.com. But I cannot respond from sweetshellyp so you will get an e-mail back from chr173714.
Thanks for your advice!

#137470 - 07/18/01 03:41 PM Re: Advice
Debbie Offline
True embers burn for a very long time, so don't let anyone tell you you're NOT feeling what you're feeling. It's real. I met my husband at age 16. We were totally in love. Everyone told us it was just puppy love. I went to college so did he. We were an item for a long time. We never forgot eachother as things happened as we got older BUT we got back together at age 30 and married!!! I've known him for 26 years and he still gives me butterflies in my tummy!!! Just like he did when I was 16. Keep in touch with your love..... I treasured my love letters from those times and still have them today....... Luck to you sweetheart. Miracles happen to those who believe...

#137471 - 07/19/01 06:36 PM Re: Advice
Turnbun Offline
Don't pine for this boy, and don't plan your life around him. Be strong and independent, live your life for you, not him, and not your relationship. I pined away for a boy who was in college while I was in high school, and I missed out on a lot because of it. We stayed together for 2 years, but I grew out of the relationship and broke it off my sophomore year in college. 10 years and many boyfriends (good and bad) later, I'm marrying the man of my dreams - I'm so glad I waited for him. If this guy is for you, the feelings will remain as you go about your life, and when the time is right, you'll find a way to be together again. If the feelings don't last, and you don't end up with this boy, you won't feel like you've missed out on anything if you are strong and independent now. You are constantly growing and changing, and you may grow in a different direction than your new love on AC. I'm a completely different person now than I was even 5 years ago, and the thought of marrying anyone I dated in high school or college (although most of them are wonderful men) or law school is frightening! I forgot how hard being a teen-ager was. I wouldn't want to go through that again! Good luck!
"If you can't find contentment in yourself, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."

#137472 - 07/19/01 09:54 PM Re: Advice
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Being male AND having a 14 yr old daughter, I feel compelled to put in my 2 cents worth.
Sorry Debbie, I gotta side with Turnburn on this one. When I was a teen, I "fell in love" with every girl I dated! Teenage males are a walking hormone factory...I can only imagine what it must be like living on a tropical island....but being a male teenager, I am sure I would enjoy the fresh-faced tourists that hit the island EVERY WEEK. Best fishing on the island!
I'm not saying that what you feel is or isn't real...but how long were you there and how much time did you spend together? Do you REALLY know him? I seriously doubt it. Sure, the idea of escaping to a tropical island with the love of your dreams is intoxicating, but not realistic. Belize is a third world country, and you would be giving up a very comfortable way of life to go live it. Just read the thread about Sandshaker leaving AC.
By all means, keep in touch with your friend. If the feelings are real, you WILL stay in touch. Get your education...it will be with you for the rest of your life regardless of who you end up with. Then, once you are able to support yourself, AND if you and your friend are still corresponding...go for a visit. I have a feeling things will look and feel different to you. But by all means, don't try to plan your entire future at 14 yrs of age...it's not fair to yourself. LIVE LIFE AND ENJOY!

#137473 - 07/19/01 10:09 PM Re: Advice
Laguna Punta Offline
I stay in San Pedro for longer periods of time, and have seen how "the locals" make a hobby of dating the young tourist "chicks". Week in week out, same local with "this weeks" girlfriend. I'd concentrate on what's in front of you (at home), and not put yourself in a holding pattern. Good luck.
Gone fishing!!

#137474 - 07/20/01 01:58 PM Re: Advice
sorry debbie, but i too take the other side. you are an exception, and you knew mark very well, and each lived with your parents. i traveled abroad at shelly's age, and a guy from israel even came to stay with me for a week (i was pretty cute back then), but bill is right. it is what those guys do. even if the young man is sincere, shelly, honey, you are way too young for this yet. trust me, there will be so many more boys out there. if you were to visit with him in a year or two, your feelings may be very different. you two have little in common. and forget about the mall. and new cd's. and the lastest fashions.

you are still so young, and you have so much ahead of you. teenage years are very hard, but college and your twenties are a time to live .

dreaming is nice, but be realistic. stay penpals or whatever, and visit him a few times before you make the biggest decision of your life. good luck.

#137475 - 07/20/01 02:16 PM Re: Advice
JillB Offline
Sweetie-- I have to agree with the majority here. I know this young man is quite a bit older than you since he was waiting tables at a local establishment. And I have nothing against older guys, my husband is 11 years older than I am, but the age difference is HUGE when you are not even in high school. I remember well how intense a summer love can be and I made myself miserable enough over some of them in my younger days. Lock it away in your memory as something special and wonderful and open yourself up for the next special and wonderful experience... you have a whole lifetime of them ahead of you!

#137476 - 07/20/01 03:44 PM Re: Advice
Debbie Offline
Shelly Belly,
Good gracious!!! Based on the above posts, I hope I DID NOT give the impression that you should run away from home and marry this fellow at your tender age!!!! That was not my intent! I merely wanted to express that I am so familiar with adults telling a teenager how they are supposed to "feel". (Above posts...case in point) Been there, done that. And in MY PARTICULAR CASE, how VERY wrong those adults were. My feelings were real, as yours are. Treasure those warm feelings and the glow of a first love. You will always remember it, no matter what happens. JanePA made a good point, that my "true love" lived in my same town and we saw eachother often the first year. We were both living at home with parents and guidance. It was a MUTUAL feeling that LASTED. There lies the important part of all this. You are quite a distance from your beau. Graduation is several years away for you. For now, write to him. If he returns letters to you, that is wonderful. The feeling would be MUTUAL. Just let it happen if it's going to. Accept it for what it is now. You can't force these things. The beauty of a rose is watching it unfold......You have lots of time. Enjoy it for what it is NOW. Don't worry about later. That will take care of itself without your worrying about it. When my "true love" went off to college, and then I on to a different college a year later, we were separated physically but were still very connected, but that did NOT mean that I stopped living my life and enjoying the things I liked to do. It was just icing on the cake. I spent lots of time with my girlfriends, did volunteer work, joined clubs, went out on many casual dates, focused on my school work and made the dean's list. I set goals for myself, like he did, and he encouraged me. But when that special letter arrived, it just made my life that much more wonderful..... Coz I knew there was someone out there that thought I was really special. You can't beat that feeling with a stick. For now, just sit back and enjoy the attention. Don't worry about the future. It will take care of itself.

(I know most people pooh pooh marrying a first love, but if it didn't happen to you, don't knock it. Not ALL guys in high school are creeps. Remember, the one you married was in high school once too. And even you pirate???)

#137477 - 07/20/01 04:10 PM Re: Advice
Denny Shane Offline
I agree with Bill Thornton on this one.... the guys on the island date the tourist girls mainly for 2 reasons... Number 1 is obvious... Number 2 is they perceive this girl to possibly be their meal ticket off the island.

At the age of 14, this girl is just way too young to be going in this direction. Personally, I would advise her to talk to her parents about it and listen to their advice.

#137478 - 07/21/01 12:07 PM Re: Advice
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Debbie..Nobody's trying to tell Shelly how to feel...(I think I made that clear in my post). We don't know her or this fellow. And nobody's pooh-poohing first loves. When it works, it's great. But, I think that's the exception, rather than the rule...AND you knew your husband for 14 yrs before you tied the knot. How long do you think Shelly has known this young man? A week? maybe two? Not long enough to know if what she is feeling is love or infatuation. How do you know if what she is feeling is real? None of us do, and we are just advising caution.

We still love ya, Deb...but we just happen to have a difference in opinion. Isn't that what makes the world go 'round?

And yes, believe it or not, I was a gentleman in High School...but I still had raging hormones and a one-track mind!
Ok enough from the old man, I'll let my very own 14 yr old daughter add her opinion:

As you all may know, if you see someone that you like, you will put on an image to impress them (I've done it many times). And if this young man is being HIS true self, you may never know.
When I was 13, I had THE biggest crush on a boy. I started to get to know him because that is what you're supposed to do, but when I saw his true personality, I realized he wasn't who I thought he was. Girls my age get caught in this stuff all the time! They think they love someone and will go to any limit to please the guy, and when the guy gets what he wants he usually leaves you high and dry. And THAT'S not true love.

There ya have it folks...how many times does a 40+ yr old man and a 14 yr old girl agree?? I raised her right!!! (ok...mom had something to do with it, too!)

Shelly...I hope you are getting something out of this! Best wishes!


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