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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
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"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more.Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,'it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play
ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."
"If my son Zeke Jr. ever buys a restaurant I will kick his sorry ass from here to eternity. Only a complete f--king moron would do that for a living!"
"People will actually pay money to go on vacation to British Hondurous....now that's a good one. Only moron resauranteurs would be stupid enough to do that!"
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 502
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Love is a many splendid thing and food runs a close second.
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 455
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Very very funny. Thanks for the reminders...
Grace DeVita
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
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OP
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ABC's OF AGING
A is for arthritis, B is for bad back,
C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight--can't read that top line. F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention and not to forget other gastrointestinal glitches) H is high blood pressure
I is for itches, and lots of incisions J is for joints, that now fail to flex
L is for libido--what happened to sex? Wait! I forgot about K! K is for my knees that crack all the time
(But forgive me, I get a few lapses in my ... M-memory from time to time)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis O is for osteo-for all the bones that crack
P is for prescriptions, that cost a small fortune Q is for queasiness. Fatal or just the flu? Give me another pill and I'll be good as new!
R is for reflux--one meal turns into two S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears on how to pay my increasing medical bills!
T is for tinnitus--I hear bells in my ears and the word "terminal" also rings too near U is for urinary and the difficulties that flow (or not)
V is for vertigo, as life spins by W is worry, for pains yet found
X is for X ray--and what one might find Y is for year (another one I'm still alive)
Z is for what else?
ZEKE!!!!
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
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OP
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> > 30 YEARS DIFFERENCE > > > > 1971: Long Hair > > 2001: Longing for Hair > > > > 1971: The perfect high > > 2001: The perfect high yield mutual fund > > > > 1971: KEG > > 2001: EKG > > > > 1971: Acid rock > > 2001: Acid reflux > > > > 1971: Moving to Calif. because it's cool. > > 2001: Moving to Calif. because it's warm. > > > > 1971: Growing pot. > > 2001: Growing pot belly > > > > 1971: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents > > 2001: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids > > > > 1971: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor > > 2001: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor > > > > 1971: Seeds and stems > > 2001: Roughage > > > > 1971: Popping pills, smoking joints > > 2001: Popping joints > > > > 1971: Paar > > 2001: AARP > > > > 1971: Killer weed > > 2001: Weed killer > > > > 1971: Hoping for a BMW > > 2001: Hoping for a BM > > > > 1971: The Grateful Dead > > 2001: Dr. Kevorkian > > > > 1971: Getting out to a new, hip joint > > 2001: Receiving a new hip joint > > > > 1971: Rolling Stones > > 2001: Kidney stones > > > > 1971: Being called into the principal's office > > 2001: Calling the principal's office > > > > 1971: Screw the system > > 2001: Upgrade the system > > > > 1971: Peace sign > > 2001: Mercedes logo > > > > 1971: Parents begging you to get your hair cut > > 2001: Children begging you to get their heads shaved > > > > 1971: Taking acid > > 2001: Taking antacid > > > > 1971: Passing the drivers test > > 2001: Passing the vision test > > > > 1971: Whatever > > 2001: Depends
> >1971: Zeke is 20 > >2001: Zeke is 50....awwww shit why did I put that in?
What a difference 30 years can make, huh?
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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uh-oh. i think i'm still living in 1971...
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
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As the mother of two teen boys, this piece is priceless........ Ya gotta love it...... Scarey how much of this has come to pass, and I'm not even 50 yet!!!! Debboe
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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zeke, i was havin a happy dancin day til i realized reality bites. is there assisted living on ac? sounds like a venture. any old folks interested? gay
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
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As we all know, Paisano has a very interesting concept of "assisted" living. Who knows. He may be on to something..... Debbie
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,059
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Oh yes Paisano does have a great Assisted Living style. Over the holidays, I provided him with $10.BZ for his injection for pain in his foot, a nice dinner in Fido's, many cigarettes, and a nice long sleeved new shirt. He is a Hoot. He repaid us with many funny things, and he did a special TUNE on stage at Fido's for me. Many Tourist asked me if is was ok to be friendly with him, I asured them it is, and they too were helpful to him with his Assisted Living on Ambergris.
Dare To Deviate
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