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#141732 - 02/14/02 09:18 PM Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
40-ish...................... 49


Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends


Athletic.................... No [#%!]


Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound


Beautiful................... Pathological liar


Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy


Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor


Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated


Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster


Free spirit................. Junkie


Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut


Fun......................... Annoying


Gentle...................... Comatose


Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic


New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time


Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs


Open-minded................. Desperate


Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing


Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk


Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic


Professional................ Certified Bitch


Redhead..................... Bad dye-job


Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat


Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light


Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray


Voluptuous.................. Very Fat


Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat


Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker


Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself


Young at heart.............. Old bat
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#141733 - 02/15/02 01:36 AM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
JmHanna Offline
Sorry Cap'n
I am married now so I ain't touchin' this one
on account of I just got outta the doghouse.
Boy my fingers are itchin' though.
Jim
_________________________
Jim

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#141734 - 02/15/02 04:00 AM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
ScubaLdy Offline
INTERPRETATION FOR ADS PLACED BY MEN

40-ish...................... A long time ago

Adventurer.................. Transient

Athletic.................... Watches sports on TV

Average looking............. 5'6"

Beautiful................... Gay

Contagious Smile............ Herpes

Educated.................... High School diploma

Emotionally Secure.......... Hasn't cried since he was 5

Feminist.................... Sissy

Free spirit................. Broke

Friendship first............ impotent

Fun......................... Tells fart jokes

Gentle...................... Gay

Good Listener............... Has a lisp or stutters

New-Age..................... You buy

Old-fashioned............... Foreplay?

Open-minded................. Dumb

Outgoing.................... Smells like all outdoors

Passionate.................. Octopus arms

Poet........................ Smokes Pot

Professional................ Workaholic

Redhead..................... Howdy-Doody freckles

Reubenesque................. Beer Belly

Romantic.................... Married (to someone else)

Social...................... Speed Freak

Voluptuous.................. Very Fat

Weight proportion w/ height. Should be 7' tall (but not)

Wants Soulmate.............. With money

Widower....................... 85 years old

Young at heart.............. 85 years old
_________________________
Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles

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#141735 - 02/15/02 04:16 AM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
beachluvr Offline
god luvya, Scubalady! and prompt to boot...that was priceless, gina

[This message has been edited by beachluvr (edited 02-14-2002).]

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#141736 - 02/15/02 05:12 AM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
Chloe Offline
This.....old bat.....is ROFLMAO

Truth really HURTS.
_________________________
Dare To Deviate

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#141737 - 02/15/02 06:54 AM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
Richard Chambers Offline
Scubalady rocks!

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#141738 - 02/15/02 03:50 PM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
GAY AND DAVID Offline
sorry zeke but scubaldy had me lol
gay

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#141739 - 02/15/02 03:57 PM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
Bobber Offline
Without taking sides, can you imagine how funny it could be when 2 (describing themselves as above) people meet through personals, and at some time in the future come face to face? Time for a new cable show, or at least a country western song or two.
_________________________
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt

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#141740 - 02/15/02 04:47 PM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
You're Over The Hill When...

1. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

2. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

3. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

4. Things you buy now won't wear out.

5. You can eat dinner at 3 p.m.

6. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).

7. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

8. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

9. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

11. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

12. You sing along with the elevator music.

13. Your eyes won't get much worse.

14. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

15. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

16. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

17. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

18. You can't remember who sent you this

19.I'm not sure if I posted this before?
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Top
#141741 - 02/15/02 06:18 PM Re: Happy Valentine Day....Woman Personals
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
GLOSSARY

DATING-
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY-
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT-
A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in
the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually
due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her
chest.

FRIEND-
A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE-
A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the
man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT-
What the endearing little qualities that initially attract
two people to each other turn into after a few months
together.

NYMPHOMANIAC-
A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER-
A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in
love.

ATTRACTION-
The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT:
What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely
choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY:
How attractive a given person appears to be is directly
proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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