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#143603 - 04/23/02 02:57 PM Anyone who knows me
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
will tell you how much I love my two dogs. They are the best and I decided to list the reasons why I love them so. Please do not tell Mrs. Zeke about this or she might stop feeding them!!!!

1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog's parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can't talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a
15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with
both of
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you
another dog?"
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just
think it's interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdales or Neiman- Marcus.
30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#143604 - 04/23/02 05:26 PM Re: Anyone who knows me
sweetjane Offline
things our mothers taught us -

my mother taught me PRIORITIES-
"If you're going kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:-
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC-
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!

#143605 - 04/23/02 10:12 PM Re: Anyone who knows me
Richard Chambers Offline
Jane & Zeke,
Those were GOOD, REAL GOOD, it's amazing how when we get older how we can better appreciate life and all its lessons !!

#143606 - 04/23/02 10:15 PM Re: Anyone who knows me
How on earth will I survive a week with each of you in June????
Actually, I can hardly wait!!

#143607 - 04/24/02 01:52 AM Re: Anyone who knows me
Mosquitorose Offline
Jane and Zeke, those were wonderful. My five dogs appreciated every word of it.

And I remeber this one....Iffen you wake up dead, don't blame me! lol

Love is a many splendid thing and food runs a close second.

#143608 - 04/24/02 10:02 AM Re: Anyone who knows me
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
Personal's for us older folk....

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired
beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching
for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching
white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who
has just buried fourth husband looking for someone
to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting,
shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,
sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you
are the silent type, let's get together, take our
hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with
original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share
rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock,
still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights
and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a
groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get
together and listen to my boss collection of
eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday
through Thursday. If you can remember Friday,
Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage,
good condition, some hair, many new parts including
hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition,
but walks well.
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.


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