Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#145374 - 09/16/02 01:06 AM For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
The pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened,
you look terrible!'

'What do you mean? I'm fine.'

'What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

'Well,' said the pirate, 'we were in a battle at sea and as I
stood on the bow a cannon ball took off my leg, but the Doc
fixed me up. It'll be fine, really.'

'Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I
saw you, you had both of your hands.'

'Well, we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy
ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but
the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really.'

'Oh,' said the bartender, 'what about that eye patch? The
last time you were in here you had both eyes.'

'One day when we were at sea some gulls were flying over
the ship. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'

'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you mean you lost
an eye just from some bird shit!'

'It was my first day with the hook.'
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#145375 - 09/17/02 02:31 AM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Thanks, Zekester! Things are finally gettin' back to normal around here...'cept fer the birdshit in the eye!

[This message has been edited by Over_40_Pirate (edited 09-18-2002).]

#145376 - 09/21/02 03:34 PM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
patrick-e Offline
And now for a history lesson . . . .

Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade in an American school. The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some
American history".

Who said "Give me Liberty or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki. "Patrick Henry, 1755", he said. "Very good!"

Who said: "that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth".? Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863", he alleged.

The teacher snapped at the class: "You should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about the history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs!" "Who said that?", she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up: "Lee Iacocca, 1982".

Now furious, another student yells: "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hands and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton
to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathers around the teacher on the floor, someone said: "Oh shit, we're in a big trouble!" and Suzuki said: "Arthur Andersen, 2002"!

#145377 - 09/23/02 02:58 PM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
patrick-e Offline
One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, Captain Bravo's lookout spotted a pirate ship. The crew became frantic!

Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck
recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The captain replied, "If I had been wounded in the
attack, the shirt would not have shown my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at both the courage and intelligence of such a manly man's man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching! The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual brilliant orders.

Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast
armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear,
turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."

#145378 - 09/23/02 03:11 PM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
bravo, cap'n bravo. that was a good one.

#145379 - 09/26/02 02:27 AM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
Over_40_Pirate Offline
RobertE and BC wear brown pants......

#145380 - 09/26/02 04:57 AM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
RobertE Offline
Oh yeah pirate. Me and BC might wear brown pants but it's a far sight better than that cheap lowcut cocktail dress and pumps you parade around in because they make you feel "pretty"...

#145381 - 09/26/02 06:47 AM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
Sandshaker Offline

Put your regulator back in your mouth RobertE...LOL

#145382 - 09/27/02 03:05 AM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
Over_40_Pirate Offline
I didn't hear you complaining when you took a spankin' from me sword, you ingrate! Besides, that was an eye patch and a pirate's hat...not pumps and a dress, Mr Puffycheeks...I only put THAT on fer Loie! Lay off the Vitamin T next time or you'll be swabbin' more than the deck (you'll be swabbin' me car!) :rolleyes:

#145383 - 09/27/02 03:55 PM Re: For you Pirate to cheer you up....hope all is well!
RobertE Offline
Pirate -

Oh yeah, I did you a favor by redecorating that hot pink AMC pacer you drive around with my bilge.

The shade of green I redecorated your car with really matches the fuzzy steering wheel cover you have and your feather boa the blows in the breeze when you cruise around town.

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