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#145455 - 09/19/02 08:52 AM Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
ChrisW Offline

Arrrrr! Talk like a pirate -- or prepare to be boarded

Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: ``Those individuals should be on medication.''

Today I want to tell you about two such people, John Baur and Mark Summers, who have come up with a concept that is going to make you kick yourself for not thinking of it first: Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what? There are so many practical benefits that I can't even begin to list them all.

Baur and Summers came up with this idea a few years ago. They were playing racquetball, and, as so often happens, they began talking like pirates. And then it struck them: Why not have a day when EVERYBODY talks like a pirate? They decided that the logical day would be Sept. 19, because that -- as you are no doubt aware -- is Summers' ex-wife's birthday.

Since then, Baur and Summers have made a near-superhuman effort to promote Talk Like a Pirate Day. As Baur puts it: ``We've talked like pirates, and encouraged our several friends to, every Sept. 19, except for a couple where we forgot.''

And yet, incredibly, despite this well-orchestrated campaign, the nation has turned a deaf shoulder to Talk Like a Pirate Day. In desperation, Baur and Summers turned to me for help. As an influential newspaper columnist, I have the power to ''make or break'' a national day. You may recall that almost nobody celebrated Thanksgiving until I began writing about it in the 1970s.

I have given Baur's and Summers' idea serious thought, looking for ways to improve it. One variation I considered was Talk Like a Member of the Lollipop Guild Day, on which everybody would talk like the three Munchkins in the film version of The Wizard of Oz who welcome Dorothy to Munchkin Land by singing with one corner of their mouths drooping down, as though they have large invisible dental suction devices hanging from their lips. But I realized that would be stupid.

So I have decided to throw my full support behind Talk Like a Pirate Day, to be observed this Sept. 19. To help promote this important cause, I have decided to seek the endorsement of famous celebrities, and I am pleased to report that, as of today, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, the Osbournes, Tiger Woods, Ted Koppel, the Sopranos, Puff Doody and the late Elvis Presley are all people who I hope will read this column and become big supporters. I see no need to recruit President Bush, because he already talks like a pirate, as we can see from this transcript of a recent White House press conference:

REPORTER: Could you please explain either your foreign or your domestic policy?


To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech. For example, let's consider a typical conversation between two co-workers in a business office:

BOB: Hi. Mary.

MARY: Hi, Bob. Have you had a chance to look at the Fennerman contract?

BOB: Yes, and I have some suggestions.

MARY: OK, I'll review them.

Now let's see how this same conversation would sound on Talk Like a Pirate Day:

BOB: Avast, me beauty.

MARY: Avast, Bob. Is that a yardarm in your doubloons, or are you just glad to see me?

BOB: You are giving me the desire to haul some keel.

MARY: Arrrrr.

As you can see, talking like a pirate will infuse your everyday conversations with romance and danger. So join the movement! On Sept. 19, do not answer the phone with ''hello.'' Answer the phone with ''Ahoy me hearty!'' If the caller objects that he is not a hearty, inform him that he is a scurvy dog (or, if the caller is female, a scurvy female dog) who will be walking the plank off the poop deck and winding up in Davy Jones' locker, sleeping with the fishes. No, wait, that would be Talk Like a Pirate in The Godfather Day, which is another variation I considered (``I'm gonna make him an offer that will shiver his timbers'').

But the point is, this is a great idea, and you, me bucko, should be part of it. Join us on Sept. 19. You HAVE the buckles, darn it: Don't be afraid to swash them! Let's make this into a grass-roots movement that sweeps the nation, like campaign-finance reform, or Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I truly think this idea could bring us, as a nation, closer together.

But not TOO much closer. Some of us will have swords.

#145456 - 09/19/02 11:31 AM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Bobber Offline
Great idea, already been done. My wife says I vary between talking like an idiot and a MCP.
Fortunately, she is only one person. There are millions of people I am not married to, and the ones I know don't think the way she does. She is from a different dimension.
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt

#145457 - 09/19/02 03:07 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Enigma Offline
LOL Poor Bobber, you are just misunderstood.

Chris I don't think I could keep a straight face long enough to speak in Pirate language. First time somebody said..."Shiver me timbers" I'd crack up and lose it. LOL

Interesting idea though!

#145458 - 09/19/02 07:15 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Bobber Offline
yeah, poor me. My wifes whole family is from "another" place, if you know what I mean.

Shiver me timbers, avast, ya lubber. Batten down them hatches.

Actually, I was in the navy, but we had a department to do that crap.
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt

#145459 - 09/19/02 09:21 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
JmHanna Offline
There will be a lot of that type of nonsense manana at the Pier Lounge.
Last year Kieth Newton (I call him Fig and he hates it) won first prize, not so much for the getup, but for the fact that he never fell out of character for 5 hours. You could not get him to do it no matter what you tried to do. And we did try. Believe me. That is hard to do.
See you all tommorow at the Party!!!!

#145460 - 09/19/02 10:53 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Over_40_Pirate Offline
AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! Who be these lanlubbin' bastards that're stealin' me thunder? I'll hang 'em from the yardarm an' run 'em through with me iron before I feed 'em to the sharks! AAAAAARRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

#145461 - 09/20/02 12:16 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Enigma Offline

Is there a book on this jargon???
Where do you guys learn this stuff?

I may not speak it, but I'd at least like to know what you are saying and what it means! laugh

#145462 - 09/20/02 08:21 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
JmHanna Offline
Sounds like Kriol to me

#145463 - 09/20/02 10:22 PM Re: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Mosquitorose Offline
Enigma...tis the stuff men are made of...pirates and things and puppy dog tails...it comes natural to them lol...now me hearty...take care and help yourself to some dubloons hahahaha can;t spell worth a sh..t.

Love is a many splendid thing and food runs a close second.


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