Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#149519 - 03/04/03 11:14 AM Men and Woman English
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
> Yes = No.
> No = Yes.
> Maybe = No.
> We need = I want.
> I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
> We need to talk = I need to complain.
> Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to.
> Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
> I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
> Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.
> You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
> Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
> You're so ... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
> Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
> It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
> You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
> I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
> on TV.
> How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really
> not going to like.
> I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
> I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
> I'm tired = I'm tired.
> Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
> I love you = Let's have sex now.
> I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
> What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question.
> May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
> Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
> Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
> Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
> Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
> with other guys.
> You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
> you within the next ten minutes.
> Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
> person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
> I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

#149520 - 03/04/03 11:17 AM Re: Men and Woman English
Chloe Offline
laugh now we all know.
Dare To Deviate

#149521 - 03/05/03 01:21 PM Re: Men and Woman English
KathyMLT Offline
Finally!!!! A man that has figured it out!! ;)LOL

#149522 - 03/07/03 07:58 AM Re: Men and Woman English
Grace Offline
Too funny! And too true!
Grace DeVita

#149523 - 03/11/03 04:36 PM Re: Men and Woman English
The Differences Between Men and Women

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Reality is due to lack of alcohol

#149524 - 03/11/03 04:37 PM Re: Men and Woman English
It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disordernexcuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Reality is due to lack of alcohol

#149525 - 03/12/03 09:50 AM Re: Men and Woman English
Axeman Offline
i see one's not listed...

Lets just be friends = You still have to remember and buy Birthday, Xmas gifts...no possiblity of sex..period.
Life May Be a Beach...I prefer Reefs...


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