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#149939 - 03/12/03 06:47 PM Why we love our kids
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.

She was stark naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

*************************************************

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.

Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

*************************************************

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement, and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

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POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.

"It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

*************************************************

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

*************************************************

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school.

"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
_________________________
There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

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#149940 - 03/12/03 09:16 PM Re: Why we love our kids
toad Offline
once again, all i have is true stories from my super exciting life....

me, my wife and two little boys( 4 & 2) where on our way to my sisters house who lives about two hours away..and they were getting restless, so my wife says look out the window and tell me what you see?....my 4 year old looks out and sees a cemetery and says 'what's that'? she goes, well thats where they bury bodies when you die....he says, well, what do they do with the head?...

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#149941 - 03/12/03 11:07 PM Re: Why we love our kids
BankerWoman Offline
My son Chris is 23 now but our favorite family story about him is the time he completely embarrassed a total stranger.

He was the typical curious boy, wanting to know what everything was and how it worked. Shortly after he turned three he became insatiably curious about the human body. Being the oh-so-modern-and-hip parents we were (we only thought...), we decided that he should know the proper names for body parts. None of that wee-wee, pee-pee stuff for our child! As he and I stood in the grocery line in a large crowded St. Louis supermarket I could see the tiny wheels turning in Chris' little brain. He reached up and tugged on the jacket of the man in line ahead of us and asked in a VERY loud three year old voice, "HEY MISTER, DO YOU HAVE A PENIS LIKE I DO?" Dead silence. I would have sworn that every conversation and every cash drawer stopped at that exact moment and every eye in the store went to the man's face. What could he do? It was pretty much a yes or no answer and, either way, the poor guy was going to be totally embarrassed. While he never so much as looked back at Chris, he nodded his head up and down.

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