Toad! Wake up!!!!! Try this:
Planked Eagle
One large (12-15 lb.) Bald Eagle
One 16 x 24" Sequoia (redwood) plank--preferably heartwood
One dozen snaildarter filets
Two Giant Panda livers
Six Green Sea Turtle eggs
Two gallons of deer whiz
A fistful of kelp
One of Newt's eyes
Two dozen garlic cloves
A big bag of onions
Hand-harvested French sea salt, to taste
One half pound of Cayenne pepper
Plaster of Paris, as needed
Cut down the largest Sequoia tree you can find in a national forest and trim plank from heartwood. Discard rest of tree.
In a large, lead-based, glazed bowl, combine turtle eggs, deer whiz, kelp, Newt's eye and 22 garlic cloves. Eat remaining two garlic cloves.
Whip mixture to a frenzy, pour in cast-iron pot then bring to a rowdy, rolling boil. Add Panda livers and cook to reduce to a reasonable stock.
While stock is reducing, place plucked and skinned (head on) eagle on redwood plank. Reserve plank. Bake in Korean oven at 350 degrees for one hour, or until tender to the touch. When done, drop eagle in boiling stock
and reduce heat to low simmer. Add Cayenne pepper and stand back.
While bird simmers, cut up enough onions to cry so that PETA and the tree huggers will think you care. Discard salt (and sliced onions).
Remove bird from pot and place on redwood plank. Add plaster of Paris to stock to make gravy. Artistically place (uncooked) snaildarter filets along each side of eagle on plank and drizzle gravy over bird for visual appeal. Provide additional gravy in boat for guests.
Slice bird and plank into sinewy strips and serve with great flair.
Enjoy!
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* I Go Pogo *
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