Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#173251 - 02/16/05 07:27 PM WOMEN
Sir Isaac Newton Offline
*just a joke ladies......I started with the men first)

Women are like...

...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.

...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot

SMILE!
_________________________
Check out my site: www.ambergriscayerealestate.net

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#173252 - 02/16/05 07:41 PM Re: WOMEN
Chloe Offline
SO! What's your point? (smiling)
_________________________
Dare To Deviate

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#173253 - 02/16/05 07:53 PM Re: WOMEN
Bez Offline
:rolleyes: whatever sir......I can see you laughing......... the fact is that you love us gals and you can not survive without us....you need us...it's plain and simple. wink we are the better species......love us or hate us, but you can't be without us! laugh

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#173254 - 02/16/05 09:05 PM Re: WOMEN
klcman Offline
didn't I see this same post, Bez, on the other (first, more inmportantt) thread?? wink
_________________________
_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _
But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman

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#173255 - 02/16/05 09:49 PM Re: WOMEN
GAY AND DAVID Offline
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!





DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

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#173256 - 02/16/05 10:30 PM Re: WOMEN
Bez Offline
klcman...... eek :rolleyes: mad cool your opinion

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#173257 - 02/16/05 10:32 PM Re: WOMEN
Bez Offline
Gay and David....... love it....err.. anyone got chocolates? laugh

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#173258 - 02/17/05 01:23 AM Re: WOMEN
Bobber Offline
Advice to my son: Marriage is like fishing. Once they get you in the boat, they yank the bait away from you.

Advice to my daughter: Dating is like fishing, what you catch depends on where you fish and what you use for bait.

See, fishing is the universal answer.
_________________________
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt

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#173259 - 02/17/05 10:10 AM Re: WOMEN
seashell Offline
So I'm told, the following are all replies that have been written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. I doubt the truth in that and despite my PC leanings, I still found myself chuckling over these:


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of
child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can
provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party
if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex
with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send
me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a
BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am
awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was
ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that
to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and
right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the
same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him,
can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also
borned at the same time.... well I don't have a clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
rememberfor sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the
evening.If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to
the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all
when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
_________________________
A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they build their nest?


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#173260 - 02/17/05 11:57 PM Re: WOMEN
Wyoming Carla Offline
I always tell my daughter, Micah, that "I know that you are my daughter, but I'm not sure who your Mother is". laugh

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