The San Pedro Social Club www.sanpedrosc.org
this week announced their version of a cure for “loco gringitis”, a recently discovered malady manifested mostly by body art, piercings and a general lack of motivation. The elixir’s contents are not fully known but it is believed the potion consists of a mix of coconut milk, crock droppings, a bit of ground dreads from Paisano’s mop and a panty-ripper chaser. Results of drinking the mix include the belief that one is either 25 years old again and/or immortal. Either one seems to be acceptable to those imbibing the brew and, of course, unacceptable to everyone else.
Spring arrived on the Island right on time, once again--to no real notice. Well, except for those not on the Island when it sprung.
According to sources, the latest “must have” in tourist amenities for local hotels and resorts is a stumbling path to nearby bars. New River Cove is sponsoring a flashy and original co-op advertising campaign with participating hoteliers.
During a colorful debate considering the virtues of dogs over women, Bobber demonstrated a new level of male ignorance by 1) admitting that he removed clothes from a clothes dryer, and, 2) suggesting that it might be possible for women to apologize. Oddly, once those arguments were presented, the debate quickly died before he could add that he was a frequent viewer of Dr. Phil’s show.
Cobblestone paving continues on the island, both real and imaginary. Alex “Hot Rod” Alvarez, spokesperson and chief pit supervisor for the San Pedro Taxi and “Road” Racing Association, said, “We look forward to the continued paving of the island and the resulting ability to shave seconds off the former minutes-long drive from the airport to, um, some places. As we add more turbocharged engines to our fleet of dyno-vans, we anticipate better service to our customers and more fares in our pockets.”
Govikes’ new “Floozy Dresses ‘n Less” shop opened last week to rave reviews. The line for opening day stretched all the way to the pull ferry and across the cut, almost to Sweet Basil’s. GV anticipates getting the last of the line into the store sometime the middle of next week and promises less and less in the way of party attire.
Speaking of dresses, the “Dress (or at least shirt) the World” campaign continues at full speed with Island Dog, SAGA, SPSC and countless other top-shelf offerings joining the fray. Or unfrayed. Whatever. SAGA is also opening their doors to mules, it seems.
Catmo sightings on the island ran rampant last week, then they ran away.
Water and electricity continue to be occasional luxuries mainly enjoyed by first-level residents and visitors. Those opting for second and third floor views have learned to bathe with friends or at the odd times that water is more than a dribble from their shower heads. The new million-gallon water tank due to be completed last December, er, maybe in March…well, how ‘bout we try for April or May…is expected to solve the aqua-dilemma. The run on wind-up alarm clocks is expected to continue unabated.
A little lacking in humo(u)r this week, but unwinding from a visit will do that to a fella’. Remember, don’t drink and dive. Keep those Belikins in the golf carts where they belong.