Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#186177 - 12/30/05 11:31 AM Happy New Year!
Headed for the beach in about an hour (yes - I am bragging!) It's been a fun year - great to get to know many of you in person and on line. Happy New Year to all and I want to especially thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your e-mails over the past 12 months. I must send my thanks to whoever sent me that one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes ‘cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper because the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer accept packages from UPS or FedEx, as they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer own a car, I sold it when I found that there will always someone leaving notes on it or waiting in the back seat to kill me. I now know that Oil Companies will lower their prices if we all boycott gasoline for a day.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me. I'd like to return the favor, so you can just cut, paste and send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes. If you don't, your phone will ring at exactly 11:00 PM (EDT), informing you of a large dove with diarrhea that will land on your head tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician who is a Lawyer working at a Police Station somewhere.
Happy New Year Everyone!

#186178 - 12/30/05 11:36 AM Re: Happy New Year!
Ernie B Offline
HA! Back atcha Hoochie !!!! smile
Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.

#186179 - 12/30/05 12:31 PM Re: Happy New Year!
LaurieMar Offline
Now that was funny! Happy New Year!!

#186180 - 12/30/05 01:25 PM Re: Happy New Year!
boatingman Offline
I'll be on AC in 5 days!!! Happy New Year everyone!

#186181 - 12/30/05 01:43 PM Re: Happy New Year!
Denny Shane Offline
Thank you law for that major laugh!! I am also stealing it for my blog. eek

#186182 - 12/30/05 03:54 PM Re: Happy New Year!
denny honey, don't laugh. all of those things happened to my sister's neighbors cousin!!!

everyone have a safe & happy new year.
david & i can be found at the corner dive in beautiful southeast laporte, texas - THE CHANTILLY ROOM!!! i will be shaking my booty & mr. york will be delitefully watching.

miss you l & v

#186183 - 12/31/05 11:30 AM Re: Happy New Year!
pnowell Offline
Happy New Year everyone!!

G&D you could drive to Dallas and shake your booty laugh

Watch out for bad ice, doorframes, chairs, and glass doors! eek

#186184 - 12/31/05 02:47 PM Re: Happy New Year!
travelqueen Offline
Happy New Year LA & Vic! And to all of the other boarders! May this up coming year be the best one yet, for all of you!

#186185 - 12/31/05 02:55 PM Re: Happy New Year!
deacon+ Offline
Remember don't drink and drive and if you must at least drink enough that you can't drive. Do everyone a favor, pass out in the parking lot.Everyone HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

#186186 - 12/31/05 07:49 PM Re: Happy New Year!
klcman Offline
Methinks we all need a li'l shot of happiness today....(but nodamnediceorwater)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _
But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman

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