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#187153 - 01/14/06 10:01 AM Beer Troubleshooting chart  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
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clover  Offline
Feet cold and wet: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet: Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless: Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights: You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts: You have fallen forward. See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving: You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark: Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles: You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear: It's water! Somebody is trying to poison you. Punch him.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in: You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted: The beer is too weak Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song: Beer is just right. Play air guitar!

#187154 - 01/14/06 10:08 AM Re: Beer Troubleshooting chart  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 203
desertrat Offline
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desertrat  Offline
thanks Clever, I mean Clover. I will print this & carry it with me each evening on SP for reference. It may make it easier for me to face everybody the morning after (or not). Ha.


when in doubt...do without
#187155 - 01/14/06 02:25 PM Re: Beer Troubleshooting chart  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
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clover  Offline
A valuable tool in time of need!

#187156 - 01/14/06 02:43 PM Re: Beer Troubleshooting chart  
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 167
fuzzy_navel Offline
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fuzzy_navel  Offline
Quote
Originally posted by clover:
Beer is crystal-clear: It's water! Somebody is trying to poison you. Punch him.
LMAO! laugh

#187157 - 01/14/06 10:32 PM Re: Beer Troubleshooting chart  
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 977
RMT Offline
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RMT  Offline
Lol....good one thank you laugh


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