Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
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#192716 - 04/03/06 11:47 AM NEW BALDERDASH
3 Old Ladies from Florida

This is a detective story
So Pay Close Attention!!!

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game...
They smuggle a bottle of into the ball park...

The game is real exciting

and they are enjoying themselves immensely...

mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks...

Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?


Think some more!!

You're gonna love it.


It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

#192717 - 04/03/06 01:21 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
MALIBU Offline
What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

#192718 - 04/04/06 01:51 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
sweetjane Offline
thanks, gals. i needed the laugh!

#192719 - 04/04/06 02:40 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
Danl & the Boop Offline
OK now; frown confused

What's the difference between a duck????



One of it's legs are both the same!! eek

#192720 - 04/04/06 03:44 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
HavinFun Offline
Nuns at a ballgame

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose head gear partially blocked the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there".
The second guy spoke up and said "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there".
The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there".
One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm, voice said,
"Why don't you go to hell ... there aren't any nuns there".
Time flys - have fun!

#192721 - 04/05/06 02:32 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

(Shut up. You know it's funny.)

#192722 - 04/05/06 04:22 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
Those aging 93-year- olds:
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where her heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Aunt Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

#192723 - 04/05/06 07:27 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
reefrider Offline
gay and law

both of those 93 year old jokes are hilarious, I got a very good laugh from them.

thanks, Marc

#192724 - 04/05/06 09:45 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
Danl & the Boop Offline
My old granny was 93 before she used glasses!



She allways drank out of the bottle!

laugh laugh mad

#192725 - 04/07/06 01:03 PM Re: NEW BALDERDASH
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what'd you have to do in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

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