Warning Political Humor:

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our
President.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle'.'
Not familiar with the term, the doctor asked what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher replied, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face, so continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there to begin with.'

Sounds like Gordon Brown in Britain.

The Vanilla Pudding Robbery

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.


Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash &valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small container of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'...

THAT IS SICK ! ! !

but funny!

So no Diamonds or Gold, but they almost got away with a Pearl Necklace

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year-old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Richard grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an 'ID ten T error' before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "...and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T (...and to think I used to like the little sh!t.....)

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up
they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
Whoa!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that done when
I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'

Back in my IT days we used to tell people the problem was with the keyboard interface.

A screw loose between the back of the chair and the keyboard....