"The main stream media is lying. There is no devastation here. I'll have a burger." - Sarah Palin, reporting from Chili's.

That made me smile!

> A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, you know I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.
> The social worker behind the counter said, your timing is
> excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old
> man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful
> daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes,
> and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the
> long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected
> to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you
> will have to satisfy all of her sexual urges. You'll be
> provided with a 2 bedroom apartment above the garage. The
> salary is $200,000 a year.
>
> The guy wide-eyed, said,
> "You're bullshittin' me!"
>
>
> The social worker said,
> "Yeah, well, you started
> it

A WELSHMAN walks into the bedroom with a
sheep on a leash and says...

"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a
headache."

The wife, lying in the
bed reading a book, looks up and says,

"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep,
Not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you
weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
You'd realize I was
talking to the sheep."

Never underestimate the power of a little publicity.

Three weeks after Kelly Kulick pulled off arguably the greatest feat in women's sports history -- defeating the world's best male bowlers in the Professional Bowlers Association Tour's choicest event, the Tournament of Champions -- I wrote a column wondering why nobody has called her, not President Obama and not even the first lady.

"Maybe they hate bowling?" Kulick asked.

Well, they may still hate bowling, but they must like Kulick. She's just been invited to the women in history gala on Monday at the White House.

"The PBA Tour said the White House had called them looking for my number and they'd be calling me, and not to hang up because it's not a prank," Kulick says. "So I'm going!"

People -- not just bowling fans -- are starting to realize what an eyeball-rattling accomplishment Kulick pulled off, unprecedented in American ball sports.

"Since the article, I've gotten like 75 hits on Facebook," she says. "Everybody congratulating me."

But still no endorsement offers?

"Nope."

And still no boyfriend?

"Nope."

Which is why, at press time, Kulick still didn't have a date to the White House event.

Anybody want to be part of history?

Which is why, at press time, Kulick still didn't have a date to the White House event.

Anybody want to be part of history?

I could be her date even though I have already been to the White House (visited twice during the Eisenhower administration)

Jesus Ch**st, How old are you, 150?

I'm not sure this works with all pronunciations, but with standard English pronunciation at least, I am told there are no words which rhyme with any of MONTH, ORANGE, SILVER, or PURPLE.

Can anyone disprove that?

Say What
Tristan Corbière

A treatise? You don’t say! I haven’t treated squat!
A study? Slothful wretch, my culture fetid rot.
A volume? Random heap, sheets stacked in disarray.
Good copy? Not with me enmired in the fray.

A poem? Not today, my lyre is being cleaned.
A book? Of fusty tomes far better to be weaned.
A song? Would that it were, my ear is made of tin.
Fun pastime? Sordid den, dire boredom dwells within.

A cadence? Rhythmic flow is broken by dull grind.
A product? I divide what others multiplied.
A story? Handicapped, my lame and laggard Muse.
Clear proof? My mind is fraught by grief and lit by booze.

High fashion? Wealth and style inform nowhere my dress.
Grandstanding or grand mal? My spasms fail to impress.
Evicted from the hall, I lurk behind the stage,
In transit, poised to choose: a joy house or a cage.

Too old? But to retire, my tenure won’t suffice.
Too young? My hectic life will rid me of this vice.
A sage, a slob, an ace, a master, and a clown,
A stud without a flock, a king without a crown.

THIS is without pretense, and yet a blatant pose.
It’s life and nothing but, confessed in deathless prose.
A masterpiece? Could be, I never made one yet!
A farce? A waste? A bomb? Decide and place your bet!

I bet… and I shall sign herewith my humble name;
My child shall overcome each tainted libel claim.
Through chance it will prevail, its fate a stroke of luck…
Art knows me not at all —and I don’t give a Orange!
— traduced 2010

In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road .."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Are you stimulated?