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#450469 - 11/06/12 07:42 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion]
Ernie B Offline
Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.

#451069 - 11/13/12 07:52 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
champion Offline

The older I get the less I remember, so I am changing all my passwords to "Incorrect". So if I put in the wrong password the computer will remind me "Your password is Incorrect".

Edited by champion (11/13/12 07:52 PM)
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

#451124 - 11/14/12 04:38 AM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion]
papashine Offline

The Bible, a Silver dollar, a Bottle of Whiskey and a Playboy Magazine
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
1. A Bible.
2. A silver dollar.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. A Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.."
"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna be a pilot."
Reality..What a concept!

#451199 - 11/14/12 10:32 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
champion Offline
As most of you know WASHINGTON State passed Gay Marriage and Legalized Marijuana on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13 “If a man lays with another man he should be stoned”

Now It all makes sense!!
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

#451268 - 11/15/12 10:47 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
champion Offline
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut,
but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off
because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf
and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the
cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what
would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days
like everyone else does."
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

#451544 - 11/20/12 05:48 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
champion Offline
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see
her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a
lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile
phone to ask him where he was. In a calm voice, the husband said,
"Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago
where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not
afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?" The wife
choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry
store." He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

#451898 - 11/25/12 05:19 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
Marty Offline
nice commercial here, warning.... nude lady skydivers....
thought of reaper when watching it... :>


#451900 - 11/25/12 06:09 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
Bobber Offline
Funny, Reaper never crossed my mind while I watched it. laugh laugh
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt

#452919 - 12/07/12 12:05 AM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
champion Offline
A man and his wife moved back home to Minnesota from Arizona.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00 a year!!!

When they arrived in Minnesota, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, "$39.00."

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Minnesota to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona!!!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00."
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

#453069 - 12/08/12 01:33 PM Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme]
elbert Offline
First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
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