GUYS SUCK......and let me tell you why.

FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your leg?

JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch? We don't want to see you scratch either.

PORNOS -Why do you want to see other guys getting what you can't. By the way, it's not good for our skin.

PICK UP LINES - Not!

DOUBLE STANDARDS -

If you can do it, why the hell can't we?


HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing.

SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!

DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner store. Buy it.

LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.

HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your pants and get the other out of your ass.

You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.

Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any thing on legs.

Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT number one at it.

Why must you tell ALL of your friends about everything you do with a girl? They all had the same DREAM last night anyway.

Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You should be glad we're not pregnant.


Try matching your maturity level to your age.

We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts and ideas. We can even form words like "[#%!] YOU!!!"

There is more to life than playing cards and video games - How old are you??

Why do we have to look good and you can look like shit?

Can we eat like humans - utensils were made especially for this purpose. Ever heard of knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins? (This does not include shirt sleeves.)

WAKE UP CALL! -

Wasting a ton of money on tuition every year to get drunk, get laid, and play sports is [#%!] retarded.

If you're interested, become a professional athlete and at least GET PAID for it.

I am not putting myself through school to carry your sorry, lazy ass through life.

BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your cock to the exact millimeter, then you can remember our birthday.

Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia. They were not made that small.

Why measure it anyway? There will always be someone bigger, LIKE ZEKE, and believe me, we can find him.

Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing and then rolling over and going to sleep.

The one thing you are good for, you are not good at!

Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm scene'? Sound familiar? Surely not Mrs. Zekester!

When we say we're lost without you, we're probably high.

When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be nice.

WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to make it so obvious.

GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!" we're not refering to your breathing pattern.

To the FEW nice guys, LIKE ZEKE, who don't apply to these statements and never get the time of day, here's a note of hope.....WE'LL WISE UP SOONER OR LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.

There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.