60 Above
New Jerseyites try to turn on the heat.
People in MN plant gardens

50 Above
Californians shiver uncontrollably
People in MN sunbathe

40 Above
Italian and English cars won't start
People in MN drive with the windows down

32 Above
Distilled water freezes
Lake Mille Lacs water gets thicker

20 Above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in MN throw on a flannel shirt

15 Above
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat
People in MN have the last cookout before it gets too cold.

Zero
People in Miami all die
Minnesotans lick the flagpole

20 Below
Iowans fly away to Mexico
People in MN get out their winter coats

40 Below
Hollywood disintegrates
The Girl Scouts in MN are selling cookies door to door

60 Below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic
MN Boy Scouts postpone "winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough

80 Below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes
People in MN rent some videos

100 Below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Minnesotans get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg

297 Below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products
Cows in MN complain about farmers with cold hands

460 Below
All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin Scale)

People in MN start saying "cold nuff for ya?"

500 Below
Hell freezes over
The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl