Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Jokes part two #133403
12/14/00 01:30 PM
12/14/00 01:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline OP
.
CAPTAIN bigzeke  Offline OP
A man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,

"I want to open a [#%!]' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a [#%!]' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked,
"What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a [#%!]' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"


There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Re: Jokes part two #133404
12/14/00 01:35 PM
12/14/00 01:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline OP
.
CAPTAIN bigzeke  Offline OP
READER BEWARE....This one is a little rough......Read at your own discretion


Once a little boy was waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while shopping with her. The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts.

"Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up thinking all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he finds himself a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there."

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth there."

"Yes there are," he says, "my mom told me so."

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her panties and gives him a little peek.

"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."

"Oh for Christ's sake!" she cries. She whips off her panties,
throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look, then replies:

"Well, with the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised."


There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Re: Jokes part two #133405
12/14/00 01:36 PM
12/14/00 01:36 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline OP
.
CAPTAIN bigzeke  Offline OP
There was this guy riding down the road when he sees this pretty young lady standing with her thumb out. The driver pulls over and offers her a ride.

She gets in and later on down the road she says, 'My name is June Hanson.' He says, 'My name is Thomas Snow.'

Later on down the road she looks over at him and says, 'Why do you keep sizing me up?' He says, 'I was just wondering what it would be like to have six inches of Snow in June.'


There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Re: Jokes part two #133406
12/14/00 02:53 PM
12/14/00 02:53 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
Corpus Christi, Texas USA
Debbie Offline
 
Debbie  Offline
Zeke,
Such a comic!!! Your endless supply of raunchy jokes is astounding... *still chuckling* Where do you get this stuff? Member of a club or something?

Re: Jokes part two #133407
12/14/00 04:04 PM
12/14/00 04:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline OP
.
CAPTAIN bigzeke  Offline OP
Deb
As Groucho would say, "Any club who would allow me to become a member of I would not want to join."

No club just a bunch of very sick friends. Birds of a feather,flock together. Also remember I am a New Yorker and there are lots of sick people living there.


There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Re: Jokes part two #133408
12/15/00 10:17 AM
12/15/00 10:17 AM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 41
Monroe, MI
T
TC Offline
 
TC  Offline
T
<html>
<head>
<title>Santa Must Be a Woman</title>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
</head>

<body bgcolor="#CC0000">


†<table width="441" border="3" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" height="1761" align="center" bgcolor="#99FF99" bordercolor="#009900">
<tr>
<td height="1821">
<p align="center"><font size="4"><font color="#FF0000">REASONS WHY SANTA
COULDN'T BE A MAN</font>
</font>
<p align="center"> <font size="4">- Men can't pack a bag.</font>
<p align="center">†
<p align="center"><font size="4">- Men would rather be dead than caught
wearing red velvet.
</font>
<p align="center"><font size="4"> - Men would feel their masculinity
is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
</font><p align="center">†
<p align="center"><font size="4"> - Men don't answer their mail. </font>
<p align="center"><font size="4">- Men would refuse to allow their physique
to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl
full of jelly."
</font>
<p align="center"><font size="4">- Men aren't interested in stockings
unless somebody's wearing them.
</font>
<p align="center">†
<p align="center">†
<p align="center"><font size="4">- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would
seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
</font>
<p align="center">†
<p align="center"><font size="4">-Men are too stubborn to stop and ask
for directions
</font>
<p align="center"><font size="4">-Men wait until Christmas Eve to go
shopping when there is nothing left on the shelves
</font>
<p align="center"><font size="4">- Finally, being responsible for Christmas
would require a commitment.
</font>
<p align="center">[b]<font color="#FF0000" size="4">THEREFORE, Santa couldn't
possibly be a man<p align="center">†



</body>
</html>


[This message has been edited by TC (edited 12-15-2000).]

Re: Jokes part two #133409
12/15/00 10:35 AM
12/15/00 10:35 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
CAPTAIN bigzeke Offline OP
.
CAPTAIN bigzeke  Offline OP
TC....reindeer female also.......how did you make that cool post? Genius!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (which are the only
members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer
drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's
reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen........had to be
a female.


There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Links
Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
Click for excellent scuba lessons with Elbert Greer!
Chaa Creek is an award-winning luxury Belize Resort, rated as one of the worlds best Eco Lodges. We are a pioneer in adventure travel to Belize since 1981!
Maruba Beach Klub and Spa is the premiere Secret Beach spa and restaurant located on the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea at the center of Secret Beach, Belize
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler

Things to do

News
Daily News
Daily Weather

Classified Ads
BelizeNews.com
San Pedro Sun
Ambergris Today
SP Town Council
Channel 7
Channel 5
Amandala
ReefTV
Love FM
The Reporter
PLUS TV
TV Newscasts
Radio Stations

Click for our
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites

Event Guides
Event Calendar
Specials & Events
Things to Do
SanPedroScoop
iTravel Belize
Paradise Theater
San Pedro Fun Finder
Paradise Guy Event Calendar
Cayo Event Calendar

Blogs
San Pedro Scoop!
Tia Chocolate
Tacogirl
My Beautiful Belize
I-Travel Belize
Belize Adventure
Belize Hub
Romantic Travel
Belize Happy Adventures
Conch Creative
Caribbean Culture & Lifestyle
More Blogs...
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites
White Sands Dive Shop - 5 Star PADI Dive Facility - Daily diving, SCUBA instruction and Snorkeling
Caribbean Inspired All Natural Condiments & Spice Blends, Over 100 are Gluten Free!
We manage a variety of homes, apartments, condos and commercial properties here on Ambergris Caye. Our minimum lease on ALL properties is six months.
Click for Ian Anderson's Caves Branch, Welcome to a World of Adventure
Lil Alphonse has snorkel equipment to fit anyone as well as Marine Park Tickets and flotation devices to assist those not as experienced.
Coastal Xpress offers a daily scheduled ferry run to most resorts, restaurants and private piers on the island of Anbergris Caye. We also offer  private and charter water taxi service.
May
S M T W T F S
1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31
Cayo Espanto
Click for Cayo Espanto, and have your own private island
More Links
Click for exciting and adventurous tours of Belize with Katie Valk!
ShoutChat Box
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 173 guests, and 0 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums44
Topics74,317
Posts487,989
Members19,871
Most Online4,377
Dec 15th, 2020



AmbergrisCaye.com CayeCaulker.org HELP! Visitor Center Goods & Services San Pedro Town
BelizeSearch.com Message Board Lodging Diving Fishing Things to Do History
BelizeNews.com Maps Phonebook Belize Business Directory
BelizeCards.com Picture of the Day

The opinions and views expressed on this board are the subjective opinions of Ambergris Caye Message Board members
and not of the Ambergris Caye Message Board its affiliates, or its employees.

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1