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Does the water go all the way around the island?

The thought of how wonderful it would be to quit the rat race someday, somehow, and go off to live on a tropical island occurs to many of us. To flee, once and for all the hurrying crowds - to live on an island where it's always warm, the air is fresh, the sky is clear and the pace is slow - is something we long to try. An impossible dream, we know, but still worth pondering now and again. Well, some of us have managed to do it. We've chosen an island in the tropics and we're making a living from those who come to visit our island paradise on their vacation. We should love these vacationers as they march through the gift shops, restaurants and bars, leaving a trail of green dollars, but somehow the intrusion of their numbers and the repetitiveness of their questions seems to annoy, after a time, ex-patriots in paradise.

So in an effort to help them be better visitors to our island, I've developed a list - with the help of my expatriate friends and fellow islanders - of the 10 most annoying questions asked by a tourist, all in the interest of preserving peace, you understand? Not at all unappreciative of the hands that feed us.

So when you pull up to a bar stool or throw your towel on a beach chair with one or more of John Grisham's books, to discover the person next to you lives here, try your best, hard as it may be, not to ask:

1) Does it get hot in the summertime?
2) Will customs let me take back a bottle of the turquoise water?
3) Isn't the Blue Hole just a big Blue Hole?
4) Do you live here all year long?
5) Are there any sharks?
6) Does it rain a lot in the rainy season?
7) Does the water go all the way around the island?
8) Where do the fish sleep at night?
9) Is that the barrier reef?
10) Why do they park all the sailboats pointing in the same direction?

I recently docked my boat at the Palapa Bar in Tres Cocos on my way home from work.

The bar is cooking barbeque and serving my favorite libation. Working behind the bar and slapping ribs down on tables around the palapa clad in a white chef's apron was a largebrested woman ,putting up with over ten tourists and answering their questions with the rapid fire system�.

To the tourist query, " Does the water go all the way around the island", she would reply, "number 3", serve their drink and move quickly onto the next tourist who would ask, "Does it rain a lot in the rainy season?". This brown skinned voluptuous woman would respond, "number 3", serve their order and dart quickly to check the ribs on the grill.

I guessed right away somewhere there must be a list and began to look around. Big and bold over the bar was my confirmation. she had it all under control with a unique system�. Three concise retorts. I realized the value of this system and decided to pass it along to you with the hope that harmony will prevail, as the season rolls on, so we may all operate more efficiently with our service to the tourist. Here's the list�.

1. No
2. It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
3. Yes

*applause* how well written, and well said. i am a tourist, for sure, but these folks sound like absolute idiots. i would ask just the do-you-live-here-all-year-one tho. sorry.

i am a mom of 2 preschoolers, and hearing the same damn thing day after day is my job too. but i'm allowed to yell and spank. maybe you should be allowed too!

oh, i almost forgot, where are you from? and does it rain a lot in the rainy season? one more thing, is the blue hole a blue hole (just kidding of course)

Wow! I am so glad someone answered a lot of those questions. I've always wanted to know the answers to them but was afraid to ask.

hey Elbert...good to see your still around...we're throwing a Bar B Q at the Palapa on Easter Sunday....hope to see you there!! Cheri and Rick

r & c - does the palapa serve food, too, or are they just a bar? i never made it there last trip. just curious. everyone seems to like to go there. they have music? dancing?

oh, denny...weren't you one of the people all those tourists were asking the questions to? (ia i dangeling a participle?)

Why yes Jane, I am one of the people that tourist ask questions of. Last time a group asked me about the Menachie Mayan Ruins. I told them exactly how to get there by boat. Unfortunately they were never heard of since. They obviously made a left instead of a right.

we were there 3-4 weeks after "Keith". Had a Bar B Q on the first Sunday they opened back up. It's open JAM SESSION on Sundays...A most woderful time to be had by all! Several musicians from around the island come out to jam! They are now back open to serve food, also. Casey runs the place..What a character. It's a "must go" when you're there!!! 31 days

Well said Elbert!.....LOL

Another one that bar tenders hate to hear is......"Is the ice made from purified water?"

"No....we find the nastiest water possible and make our ice from it....we only use the good stuff for drinking!".....duh.....here's your sign!......LOL