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hey, mental ward... #135723
04/23/01 02:14 PM
04/23/01 02:14 PM

Anonymous OP
Anonymous OP
Answering Machine at a Mental hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 . (this would be zeke)

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay
on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until
a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone
number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep,
or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
busy to talk to you."

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up. (this is NOT diann)

Re: hey, mental ward... #135724
04/23/01 02:35 PM
04/23/01 02:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 680
Westminster, Colorado, USA
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Over_40_Pirate  Offline
Oh, yes it is!!!!

Re: hey, mental ward... #135725
04/23/01 02:42 PM
04/23/01 02:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 95
Garland,Tx. USA
jlslks Offline
jlslks  Offline
You are the only one on this board Who's Seen & talked to her!!!!! Is she really like that??????? Come on Diann-----Defend Yourself----- Get that Italian blood boiling

Re: hey, mental ward... #135726
04/23/01 06:22 PM
04/23/01 06:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 165
Dallas, TX, USA
shaygray Offline
shaygray  Offline
Why does the blonde thing always gotta be thrown in there?! Ha! I'm used to it. I've got a freakin' target painted on my chest for jokes (blonde, Polish, female, left-handed)...Need I say more? I did like the little ditty, though, janeinPA!

Re: hey, mental ward... #135727
04/23/01 06:54 PM
04/23/01 06:54 PM

Anonymous OP
Anonymous OP
sha - my mom is blonde, lefty, female & jewish, so you know it isnt personal! i take no credit, it was sent by a friend.

Re: hey, mental ward... #135728
04/23/01 07:02 PM
04/23/01 07:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 4,268
Bellaire, Tx. and the World
Denny Shane Offline
Denny Shane  Offline
lol.... pretty funny.... I even printed it out!

Re: hey, mental ward... #135729
04/23/01 09:52 PM
04/23/01 09:52 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 680
Westminster, Colorado, USA
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Over_40_Pirate  Offline
This here Pirate ain't about to kiss an' tell...oops, cat's outta the bag... [Linked Image]

Re: hey, mental ward... #135730
04/24/01 12:23 PM
04/24/01 12:23 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 387
brrrland, CO
diann Offline
diann  Offline
hey jman.... (john/denny)
ok, he has seen me, but so has BC, and well, pirates prob is dat he's just too dang ol and didn't bring dem glasses of his; plus ya know how he embelishes upon matters here... [Linked Image]
i sent ya some bathing suit pix....if youse can call dem babies bathing suits!!! that should satisfy ya for da bit!!! oh darn... they aren't of me ..........

[This message has been edited by diann (edited 05-02-2001).]

Re: hey, mental ward... #135731
04/24/01 12:24 PM
04/24/01 12:24 PM

Anonymous OP
Anonymous OP
ok, pirate. you can't start like that and then just stop. your readers are dying to know. of course you kiss n tell, every guy does. soooooo, TELL!!

(you all know what i look like, and i've never seen any of you. it isn't fair!)

Re: hey, mental ward... #135732
04/24/01 12:34 PM
04/24/01 12:34 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 680
Westminster, Colorado, USA
Over_40_Pirate Offline
Over_40_Pirate  Offline
Well... if you really want to know what Diann is like, here ya go...

Ode to Diann
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction
Diann is a bundle of contradiction
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse
She'll break open his head and then be his nurse
But when he's well and can get out of bed
She'll pick up the teapot and aim for his head

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind
Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind
She'll call him a king, then make him a clown
Raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down

She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man
Or make him her lackey to carry her fan
She'll run away from him and never come back
But if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose

She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad

[This message has been edited by Over_40_Pirate (edited 04-24-2001).]

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