This was taken from an actual transcript:

Doctor: Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

Responding to this old post re: Lawyers. The following was told to me today. My apologies if I offend any of the attorneys who frequent this board.

What's the difference between a Rooster and a Lawyer... The rooster clucks defiance.

you ladies know that laurie (lmarquis) is an attorney

...with a sense of humor.

LOL. Oh thank you, Jane - ya got that right! I have heard them all and then some. My dad is the biggest offender! Everybody hates lawyers, but sooner or later, everybody needs one!

Laurie and susangg: Not only have we HEARD them all, we're probably the worst about passing them on, right?

Us lawyers know all the best lawyer jokes!

Why don't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy!

Ba dum dum....

um, that's "WE lawyers".

An Elephant has a lion following it and eating all it's droppings.
The elephant asks why (to the lion) are you eating all my droppings.
Lion answers 'I ate a lawyer and am trying to get the taste out of my mouth'.

Jane -

That's why they're lawyers and not English teachers.

True, KCLman, but my undergraduate degree is in English. What do ya say to that? Also, I can't do math worth a shit! I can argue under the table, if need be. . .