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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,563
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Female keywords and their meaning

1. "Fine" - This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)
2. "Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing" - "Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be that the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" - This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. "Soft Sigh" - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh" - This word - followed by any statement - is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead", sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" - This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks" - The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say, "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot" - "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh,", as she will only tell you "Nothing."

Take only pictures leave only bubbles
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,419
Sure glad I wasn't included in the heading for this topic.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
Zeke's Thanks A Lot to Mrs. Zeke:

"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh."

Zeke's "Thanks A Lot" is always followed by a "Screw you too!" No loud sigh after the Zekester's "Thanks A Lot"
Men make it so much easier for the woman to know where they are coming from. Guess that is why they are the SUPERIOR sex!

There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 81
OOOOOOOOOOOO...them's fightin' words....
LOL...I am sure if your significant other was listening to that it would be "yes..honey..ok honey" [Linked Image] I am going to sit back and enjoy the flack you get for THAT comment! [Linked Image]

this is true: one year i did a bunch of clothes/housewares shopping right before xmas and told hubby 'oh, don't worry about me for christmas, i just bought a lot of stuff'. SOB, i didn't get one single present that year...just watched him & the kids open theirs..and cried.

women, we should just say what we think. why don't we?

Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,419
Now I suspect you gals are the kind that wouldn't find any thoughtfulness or romance in a new vacuum cleaner.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 761
I have tried that vacuum thing a couple of times myself....I guess that is why I'm HALF NUTS!!!!

There is only one cure for baldness. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
You are accurate there Choo Choo. I told my husband if he ever bought me a vaccuum or any other household appliance for a birthday, anniversary or Christmas is was grounds for castration...... [Linked Image] I'd rather get a single rose, than a blender on any of my special days.

On the other hand..... I was to get a new double oven installed today and was ecstatic. (Not a special occasion, the old one was condemned as a fire hazard) Mark likened it to a guy getting a new power tool..... Ha! We've been eating grilled food for a month while the insurance company himmed and hawed. I think if I eat another piece of grilled chicken I'm going to puke. [Linked Image]

fellas, i would be your dream wife. i HAVE received appliances (including a vaccuum) for occasions and been very pleased. but for xmas, not on my birthday (that appliance had batteries!).

to make up for it, my honey bought me a beautiful guitar the following valentine's day. that gift was personal; just for me. (oh, and ya better believe i got a pearl necklace & earrings the next xmas!)

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 680
Lemme make sure I got this got an "appliance" for a gift, and then a "pearl necklace"? Kinky! You're right, are a dream girl! AAARRRGGHHHHHHHH!

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