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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 5,255
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(i did not write it, just passing it on)
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
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Oh God....
I can relate. Funny. I lived in Austin, Texas when my kids were small.... Did I write this???? LOL
Can I add to the list?
1. Pea gravel in the ear canal causes temporary deafness.
2. Best way to get rid of dirty socks is to flush them. Best way to find them? Call roto rooter for the backed up toilet.
3. The toilet is the perfect sized bathtub for Teddy.
4. The poop you scooped in the yard, that you thought belonged to the dog??? Guess again.
5. Remember the puke the girl spewed on the Exorcist all those years ago??? IT CAN BE DONE!!
6. A 10 month old can rock a crib in frustration to the point of knocking off the casters.
7. According to our then four year old, pet fish like twinkies.
8. It takes exactly 2 minutes to seal off an entire mall for a missing child.
9. Eyelashes DO grow back.
Jane, I'm CERTAIN you have your own to add to this list...... Ahhhhh parenthood....
[Linked Image] Debbie

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 5,255
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nope. i keep my kids duct-taped to chairs all day.

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
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LOL. I've done that too.....
Took the older one to see Sesame Street Live at age 3. It was very dark in there. He was sitting on the isle. (BIG MISTAKE) I was busy fishing in my purse for a candy to keep him still, and the next thing I knew he was running up the steps to the stage to join the characters!! The security police right behind him trying to catch him!! He was promptly strapped to the chair with my belt..... LOL

Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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debbie, i think i had the same experience with david once but it was at a zz top concert in the summit.
gay

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
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LOL @ Gay!!! David must be filled with youthful exuberance.... Is he often this way???? I'll bet he was a trip while in San Pedro!!!!
Debbie

Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
Offline
david has given me a new outlook on life!! he makes every situation fun. i have learned that life is too short not to make the best of whatever you get handed. it sounds corny, i know, but it is soooooo true.
gay

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,090
Offline
Okay!!!! So... Here's a toast to youthful exuberance. May you never lose that wonderful feeling. (champagne glasses clink)You are a lucky woman!!
Debbie


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