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#144783 - 08/09/02 08:28 AM FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't
move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in
surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

#144784 - 08/09/02 03:57 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 137
Enigma Offline
Enigma  Offline

Out of the mouths of babes, huh?

#144785 - 08/11/02 09:01 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,055
Chloe Offline
Chloe  Offline
"PSSST" are you cats dead or alive here?

Way too quiet....on the Board.

Dare To Deviate
#144786 - 08/24/02 11:06 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 30
stevie Offline
stevie  Offline
1 life down, 8 to go.

#144787 - 08/29/02 08:53 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
JmHanna Offline
JmHanna  Offline
A female police officer pulled over a drunk driver.

She said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say can
and will be held
against you."

The drunk replied, "[#%!]."

#144788 - 08/29/02 10:01 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 502
Mosquitorose Offline
Mosquitorose  Offline
Subject: Harvard Jewish Mother Study

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that
WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In
Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it
graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie ?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes".

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came
back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too
good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says,"Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth full if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given
a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says,"I play
the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q - How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the
street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself,"
she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."


Love is a many splendid thing and food runs a close second.
#144789 - 08/30/02 08:07 AM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
Why Husband's aren't Secretaries!
Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife:
Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.

#144790 - 08/31/02 02:58 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
JmHanna Offline
JmHanna  Offline
Hello, is this the FBI?

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He
is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search
the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open Every
piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"


"Did they chop your firewood?"


"Happy Birthday, Buddy!"

#144791 - 09/06/02 09:21 PM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
JmHanna Offline
JmHanna  Offline
Its Friday!!!
Que es with the stupidness.
Give me a minute.

#144792 - 09/09/02 08:02 AM Re: FRIDAY FELINE FUNNY  
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
it's monday!!!
(friday was very busy here with storm prep)
hay estupidness.
its been longer than a minute for you jim so here goes . . . .

A woman's perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table .... Her son is on the cover of the
Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week Her boyfriend is on
the cover of Playgirl and her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


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