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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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OP
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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 137
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LOL....cute
Out of the mouths of babes, huh?
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,059
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"PSSST" are you cats dead or alive here?
Way too quiet....on the Board.
Dare To Deviate
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 30
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
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A female police officer pulled over a drunk driver.
She said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replied, "[#%!]."
Jim
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 502
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Subject: Harvard Jewish Mother Study
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie ? A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes".
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? A: Facing Bloomingdale's
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says,"Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth full if you should call."
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q - How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A - (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."
MR
Love is a many splendid thing and food runs a close second.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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OP
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Why Husband's aren't Secretaries! Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife: Someone from the Guyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn't know you liked beer.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
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Hello, is this the FBI?
"Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open Every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
Jim
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 734
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Its Friday!!! Que es with the stupidness. Give me a minute. Jim
Jim
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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OP
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it's monday!!! (friday was very busy here with storm prep) hay estupidness. its been longer than a minute for you jim so here goes . . . .
A woman's perfect Breakfast
She's sitting at the table .... Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl and her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
hahahahahhohohohohheheeheh
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