THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REALWORLD
1. A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
2. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you"
though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.
3. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra,
some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, and some
there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
4. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. EVER!!
5. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
6. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
7. Good sex should involve laughter. Because it's, you know, funny.
8. If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only the other person.
9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: "I
apologize" and "You are right".
10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.
11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat
crow while it's still warm.
12. If he says that you are too good for him--believe it.
13. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one
from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
14. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
15. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
16. Living well really is the best revenge.
17. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves
the other person was right about you.
18. Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are
to need them to empty your bedpan and hold your hand.
19. Work is good but it's not important.
20. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
21. You are the only person who can truly make you happy.
22. Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've
decided to see beyond the imperfections.