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#146467 - 11/27/02 12:18 PM loss of a loved one  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 431
skullyboy Offline
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skullyboy  Offline
I`ve been a voyer on the board for a couple of years. I`m just now starting to break out of my shell and starting to post.I want to tell ibanole and anyone else who has lost someone the love sorry for your lose. I want to ask you all how you get on and get over it? My wife has terminal cancer and will not be with us much longer. I struggle with this every day and question where i`m at and what i`m doing. She has had M.S. for many years and see`s this as a blessing.But sometimes I just can`t get over it or know how to learn to deal with it. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the downer thread. I know this should be an up or happy board.

#146468 - 11/27/02 01:18 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 6,251
NYgal Offline
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NYgal  Offline
Continue to remember the good, and her peace will come to her.

You will have all the wonderful memories, and she still can communicate with you and help you begin the healing.
You truly are a loving person. She knows that.

May your Thanksgiving be a day that will be fulfilled with her warmth and your love.

You have a difficult task ahead, life is not kind.
Love is your reward. Hers too !

#146469 - 11/27/02 04:43 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 475
ChrisW Offline
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ChrisW  Offline
Given the infinite varity and complexity of one humans relationship with another and life in general, I would imagine that each time an individual losses someone they love the experience is unique. That aside, I will say from own experience that I am not sure that you ever really get over the loss. Yes, you will learn to cope with it, but the loss is always there..at first like a hand reaching into your chest and later like a string tugging on your heart from a distance.

My only advice would be to take some time to be sad...allow yourself to be sad. But don't let the sadness take control of your life. Continue on with your day to day activities and just let time do what it can to heal you.

#146470 - 11/27/02 04:55 PM Re: loss of a loved one  

**DONOTDELETE**
Unregistered
Anonymous
Skully,
First, thank you for your kind words...
I won't go into anything on this board, but would love to hear from you privately. My edress is:
ibanole1@hotmail.com
What I will say to you here, is that regardless of what you may read or be told, every situation is different. I know that when my son died, I heard the most awful things coming out of my FRIENDS mouths, and they meant well. "Are you OK?","He is in a better place","He isn't in pain any longer","You need to move on"..... etc etc My best friend even said to me "yeah, I know how you feel, I felt like that when my Dad died".... (What a stupid comment!!!) So seriously, arch your back and prepare for these things....
And to everyone I say.... Love those around you totally, completely and unconditionally for as long as you can. Thanksgiving is a great time to start if you don't already....

#146471 - 11/27/02 05:12 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 431
Sandshaker Offline
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Sandshaker  Offline
AMEN!

#146472 - 11/27/02 06:11 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 100
jkdiver Offline
 
jkdiver  Offline
This is one of the things I LOVE about this board. There is so much good will, love and support on it.
Thank-you to everyone for all that you contribute. I am usually a "lurker" but it alway's brightens my day to come here.

I have not personally experienced what skullyboy and others are going or have gone through, but I do know that there is lots of love and good wishes coming your way.

God Bless you all!!

JoAnn

#146473 - 11/27/02 06:46 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 431
skullyboy Offline
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skullyboy  Offline
Thanks all for the warm thoughts. This is a wonderful place with lots of good pepole. Thanks again

#146474 - 11/27/02 07:01 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 5,400
ScubaLdy Offline
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ScubaLdy  Offline
Sorry for the downer thread. I know this should be an up or happy board.

Skullyboy:

Thank you for sharing and you need not apologize because this is supposed to be a "happy" place.
These boards are meant to be helpful, not just sugar coated nicey nice.

Depending on the size of the community you live in you may have a number of choices of support groups. I know in my area there are many grief counseling services. I suggest you ask your wife's nurse about this as she probably knows more about it than does her doctor. If she can't help contact the hospice office. I hope you are making use of all the free services available.

No one can know exactly how you feel but I'm willing to bet she is as concerned about you as you are about her. Since the two of you have some time together it is something you might start together.
You don't have to do this alone and times like this well meaning family and friends are not necessarily the best people to talk to.

Please post to us, as you are able. cool

Harriette


Harriette
Take only pictures leave only bubbles
#146475 - 11/27/02 07:19 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 431
skullyboy Offline
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skullyboy  Offline
Thanks Harriette, I know that trying to get in with a group would be a good Idea, I`m just kind of struggling along right now. We`re thinking of coming back down to A/C around the end of January. We got remarried on A/C two years ago and have allways wanted to bring our son. Now would be a good time to just do it. Thanks again everybody

#146476 - 11/27/02 07:49 PM Re: loss of a loved one  
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,055
Chloe Offline
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Chloe  Offline
Skullyboy, you have made the first important step, you are reaching out to others, with all your caring warm love, which will carry you forward.

I am so excited about your up coming trip to San Pedro, what a wonderful place for you, your wife and son to share precious moments, that will last in your hearts and souls forever.

Help comes to you from all kinds of people, even the ones that do not really know, or know what to say, they are trying to help you, and you will know that by the feeling.

You and your wife must have a very special relationship, and she must feel safe, having you in her life.

Here's wish you and all your family a wonderful
Thanksgiving.


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