Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
Great Truths #151157
04/10/03 09:33 AM
04/10/03 09:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,675
The Buckeye State, USA
dbdoberman Offline OP
.
dbdoberman  Offline OP
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At Age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At Age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At Age 16 success is . . .. having a drivers license.
At Age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At Age 35 success is . .. . having money.
At Age 50 success is .. . . having money.
At Age 60 success is .. . . having sex.
At Age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers license.
At Age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At Age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

Re: Great Truths #151158
04/10/03 11:17 AM
04/10/03 11:17 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 736
Texas/Belize
Miss Anthropy Offline
 
Miss Anthropy  Offline
Thanks this really made me chuckle!

Re: Great Truths #151159
04/10/03 01:27 PM
04/10/03 01:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,429
MD
dogmatic prevaricator Offline
.
dogmatic prevaricator  Offline
enough chuckles to reverse your hatred of mankind??


If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Re: Great Truths #151160
04/10/03 01:35 PM
04/10/03 01:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 736
Texas/Belize
Miss Anthropy Offline
 
Miss Anthropy  Offline
Its only a punny name. I could also go by Miss Behavin' every other day.

Re: Great Truths #151161
04/13/03 08:48 PM
04/13/03 08:48 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,123
San Pedro& Indiana
indygal Offline
.
indygal  Offline
Thanks Doberman. Made me laught, I especially liked the ones on sucess. Funny and true.


Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
Re: Great Truths #151162
04/13/03 08:50 PM
04/13/03 08:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,048
Rockport, Maine
klcman Offline
.
klcman  Offline
heres another jolt:
THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the ass
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you
need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look big.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _
But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman
Re: Great Truths #151163
04/13/03 08:52 PM
04/13/03 08:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,675
The Buckeye State, USA
dbdoberman Offline OP
.
dbdoberman  Offline OP
loved it! and #24 is DP!!! laugh

Re: Great Truths #151164
04/13/03 08:54 PM
04/13/03 08:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,048
Rockport, Maine
klcman Offline
.
klcman  Offline
laugh


_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _
But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman
Re: Great Truths #151165
04/13/03 09:43 PM
04/13/03 09:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,205
Falls Church VA
Axeman Offline
 
Axeman  Offline
KLC

...priceless


Life May Be a Beach...I prefer Reefs...
Re: Great Truths #151166
04/13/03 10:33 PM
04/13/03 10:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,048
Rockport, Maine
klcman Offline
.
klcman  Offline
thx - just like a MasterCard , huh ( or is that Visa) confused


_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _
But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Links
Portofino Resort- Now with a new BEACH BAR!!
Click for excellent scuba lessons with Elbert Greer!
Chaa Creek is an award-winning luxury Belize Resort, rated as one of the worlds best Eco Lodges. We are a pioneer in adventure travel to Belize since 1981!
Maruba Beach Klub and Spa is the premiere Secret Beach spa and restaurant located on the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean Sea at the center of Secret Beach, Belize
First Class Accommodations for the Budget Traveler

Things to do

News
Daily News
Daily Weather

Classified Ads
BelizeNews.com
San Pedro Sun
Ambergris Today
SP Town Council
Channel 7
Channel 5
Amandala
ReefTV
Love FM
The Reporter
PLUS TV
TV Newscasts
Radio Stations

Click for our
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites

Event Guides
Event Calendar
Specials & Events
Things to Do
SanPedroScoop
iTravel Belize
Paradise Theater
San Pedro Fun Finder
Paradise Guy Event Calendar
Cayo Event Calendar

Blogs
San Pedro Scoop!
Tia Chocolate
Tacogirl
My Beautiful Belize
I-Travel Belize
Belize Adventure
Belize Hub
Romantic Travel
Belize Happy Adventures
Conch Creative
Caribbean Culture & Lifestyle
More Blogs...
Search thousands of Belizean-only websites
White Sands Dive Shop - 5 Star PADI Dive Facility - Daily diving, SCUBA instruction and Snorkeling
Caribbean Inspired All Natural Condiments & Spice Blends, Over 100 are Gluten Free!
We manage a variety of homes, apartments, condos and commercial properties here on Ambergris Caye. Our minimum lease on ALL properties is six months.
Click for Ian Anderson's Caves Branch, Welcome to a World of Adventure
Lil Alphonse has snorkel equipment to fit anyone as well as Marine Park Tickets and flotation devices to assist those not as experienced.
Coastal Xpress offers a daily scheduled ferry run to most resorts, restaurants and private piers on the island of Anbergris Caye. We also offer  private and charter water taxi service.
September
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30
Cayo Espanto
Click for Cayo Espanto, and have your own private island
More Links
Click for exciting and adventurous tours of Belize with Katie Valk!
ShoutChat Box
Who's Online Now
2 registered members (Short, bobcat bill), 142 guests, and 0 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Statistics
Forums44
Topics72,255
Posts483,200
Members19,700
Most Online2,982
Jan 29th, 2019



AmbergrisCaye.com CayeCaulker.org HELP! Visitor Center Goods & Services San Pedro Town
BelizeSearch.com Message Board Lodging Diving Fishing Things to Do History
BelizeNews.com Maps Phonebook Belize Business Directory
BelizeCards.com Picture of the Day

The opinions and views expressed on this board are the subjective opinions of Ambergris Caye Message Board members
and not of the Ambergris Caye Message Board its affiliates, or its employees.

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1