Last night as I lay sleeping
I died or so it seemed,
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream
Up there St. Peter met me
Standing at the pearly gates,
He said "I must check your record
Please stand here and wait."
He turned and said "Your record
Is covered with terrible flaws,
On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause,"
I see that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too,
Fact is, you've done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin,
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand and said "Come in."
He led me up to the big boss and said
"Take him in and treat him well,"
He used to work in Hotels.
He's done his time in hell".