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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 3,484
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*just a joke ladies......I started with the men first)
Women are like...
...the stock market They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
...computers They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
...Saran Wrap Useful but clingy.
...horses Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot
SMILE!
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 7,059
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SO! What's your point? (smiling)
Dare To Deviate
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 39
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:rolleyes: whatever sir......I can see you laughing......... the fact is that you love us gals and you can not survive without us....you need us...it's plain and simple. we are the better species......love us or hate us, but you can't be without us!
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,062
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didn't I see this same post, Bez, on the other (first, more inmportantt) thread??
_ _ _ _ _ _ _________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ But then what do I know, I am but a mere caveman
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,364
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The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 39
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klcman...... :rolleyes: your opinion
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 39
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Gay and David....... love it....err.. anyone got chocolates?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
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Advice to my son: Marriage is like fishing. Once they get you in the boat, they yank the bait away from you.
Advice to my daughter: Dating is like fishing, what you catch depends on where you fish and what you use for bait.
See, fishing is the universal answer.
Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 8,880
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So I'm told, the following are all replies that have been written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. I doubt the truth in that and despite my PC leanings, I still found myself chuckling over these:
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.
8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well I don't have a clue.
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I rememberfor sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they build their nest?
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 728
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I always tell my daughter, Micah, that "I know that you are my daughter, but I'm not sure who your Mother is".
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