The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an
early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for
early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a
straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to
choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and
walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would
like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my
testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to
reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers
had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go
along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop em",
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip
of the Captain's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly
exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?" The Captain calmly