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#186807 - 01/11/06 11:57 PM Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline

The Dublin Duo

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy
looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to
you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I, And where about from Ireland might you

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begorra, and so am I, And what street
did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCreary
Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I, And to
what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me,
what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a

The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a
long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."

#186808 - 01/11/06 11:59 PM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
> > Paddy is driving home after downing a few at the
> > local pub.
> > > He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees
> > a tree in the middle of the road.
> >
> > > > He swerves to avoid it and almost too late
> > realizes that there is yet another tree directly
> > his path.
> > > >
> > > > He swerves again and discovers that his drive
> > home has turned into a slalom course, causing him
> > veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
> > > >
> > > > Moments later, he hears the sound of a police
> > siren and brings his car to a stop.
> > > >
> > > > The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks
> > what on earth he was doing.
> > > >
> > > > Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road
> > when the officer stops him in mid-sentence and
> > "Fer Christ sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener

#186809 - 01/12/06 12:00 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his
> doctor after a long
> illness. The doctor sighed and looked O'Malley in
> the eye and said, "I've
> some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't
> be cured. You'd best
> put your affairs in order.
> O'Malley was shocked but being a solid
> character, he managed to
> compose himself and walk from the doctor's office
> into the waiting room,
> where his son was waiting.
> "Well son, we Irish celebrate when
> things are good, and we
> celebrate when things don't go well. In this case,
> things aren't so well. I
> have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few
> pints."
> After 3 or 4 pints the two were feeling
> a little less somber.
> There were some laughs and some more beers. They
> were eventually approached
> by some of O'Malley's friends, who were curious as
> to what the two were
> celebrating.
> O'Malley told them they were drinking to
> his impending end. He
> told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
> The friends gave O'Malley their
> condolences, and they had a
> couple of more beers. After the friends left,
> O'Malley's son leaned over and
> whispered his confusion.
> "Dad, I thought you told me that you
> were dying of cancer, and
> you just told your friends that you were dying of
> AIDS!"
> O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them
> sleeping with your
> Mother after I am gone."
> You gotta love the Irish

#186810 - 01/12/06 12:03 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a
train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must
have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he
gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something
in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was,
but useless in a fight."

#186811 - 01/12/06 12:05 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of
Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one
lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and
shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya little bastard! Spit it out!"

#186812 - 01/12/06 12:06 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one
night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop
pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his
chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf".

#186813 - 01/12/06 12:07 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish! Clan) staggers into a Catholic
Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either

#186814 - 01/12/06 12:10 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and
she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"

#186815 - 01/12/06 10:47 AM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,670
Amanda Syme Offline
Amanda Syme  Offline
It's a cold and rainy day - more clover - please

#186816 - 01/12/06 12:46 PM Re: Some Irish humor  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
clover Offline
clover  Offline
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet and be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

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