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#200982 - 09/13/06 09:08 AM Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 187
coolbummings Offline
 
coolbummings  Offline
After all the political back and forths lately I thought I should forward this funny stuff I received today....

DEMOCRATIC
> You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>You feel guilty for being successful.
>Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>
>
>REPUBLICANISM
>
> You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>So?
>
>
>SOCIALIST
>
> You have two cows.
>The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
>You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
>COMMUNIST
>
> You have two cows.
>The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
>You wait in line for hours to get it.
>It is expensive and sour.
>
>
>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
>You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
>
>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
>Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
>the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
>AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
>You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
>surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
>analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
>Your stock goes up.
>
>
>FRENCH CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>You go to lunch and drink wine.
>Life is good.
>
>
>JAPANESE CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and
>produce twenty times the milk.
>They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
>Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
>
>GERMAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
>excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
>Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
>ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
>You break for lunch.
>Life is good.
>
>
>RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>You have some vodka.
>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>You have some more vodka.
>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>
>TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
>You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
>parts.
>You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives
>to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
>
>
>IRAQI CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
>They go into hiding.
>They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
>
>POLISH CORPORATION
>
> You have two bulls.
>Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>
>
>BELGIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have one cow.
>The cow is schizophrenic.
>Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
>The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
>The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
>The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
>The cow dies happy.
>
>
>FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
>Everyone votes for the best looking one.
>Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
>vote for the black one.
>Some people vote for both.
>Some people vote for neither.
>Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
>Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
think
>is the best-looking cow.
>
>
>CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>
> You have millions of cows.
>They make real California cheese.
>Only five speak English.
>Most are illegal.
>Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


whaddaya mean yer all outta Jack's?
#200983 - 09/13/06 09:31 AM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 4,268
Denny Shane Offline
.
Denny Shane  Offline
LOL...... I may just have to steal this one. eek

#200984 - 09/13/06 10:10 AM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,001
captjeff Offline
.
captjeff  Offline
Cool very cool.And sooooooooooooooo true..


Living The Dream Every Day!
#200985 - 09/13/06 10:55 AM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,193
collyk Offline
.
collyk  Offline
Oh you forgot the last one coolbummings

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.


www.conchcreative.com
Belize Wedding Photography

#200986 - 09/13/06 12:24 PM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,947
Otteralum Offline
.
Otteralum  Offline
lol, I'm (haha) on the (ha ha) floor (roll roll roll) laugh


I will have a Belikin -- put it on klcman's tab.
#200987 - 09/13/06 12:37 PM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,366
deacon+ Offline
 
deacon+  Offline
Otteralum, welcome back. hoping all is well.

#200988 - 09/13/06 04:02 PM Re: Politics and Corporations...very funny stuff  
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,947
Otteralum Offline
.
Otteralum  Offline
thanks deacon -- appreciated your well-wishes along the way. Misses and I just got back from Costa Rica -- things haven't been this good in a long time.

Back to AC soon I hope


I will have a Belikin -- put it on klcman's tab.

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