It was a trip! My face hurts from laughing so much and it turned out to be a pretty fun evening.
We arrived and the powers that be immediately began to ply us with alcohol. When it was time to start the women took seats at tables where lists of questions were waiting for those who hadn’t done their homework and brought their own. We learned later that turned out to be everyone except my friends and I, and one other woman. In the group we were in (I think the groups were divided by age) there were about 20 women. After we were seated, the men took a seat at one of the tables, and every six minutes moved clockwise to the next table. Apparently about three of the men signed up in our group failed to appear (wusses) so at every switch there were a couple of tables open. During those times the women without guys to interview ended up talking to each other. That actually turned out to be pretty fun and I met a couple of pretty cool women.
Those of us with our own questions definitely had a better time. I asked my questions in a different order each time and with most of the guys I didn’t make it through the whole list. The guys didn’t have questions to ask; instead, apparently I was supposed to supply my answers to my own questions as they answered them. That was something I hadn’t really thought about and my answers varied depending on who I was talking to. I was impressed with some of the answers I got and some of them made me a little nervous. What follows is a sampling of some of the answers I received:
1. Do you know how to use a whip? Interestingly enough, this pretty much turned out to be the favorite question. Two of the men actually did know how to use a whip, owned whips, and one of them offered to let me see his whip.
One of the best answers I got was from a guy who owned horses. He explained that once the horse is trained you never actually touch the horse with the whip, you just crack it overhead and they know what to do. He then wanted to move on to a discussion of how to effectively use spurs, but I declined.
2. When was the last time you thoroughly cleaned your bathroom? I ended up having to have most of them define what constitutes a thorough cleaning. There was one guy that explained he was anal about cleaning. I was tempted to go down that road, but I resisted. :rolleyes:
3. If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred? This question took some explaining as they just wanted to tell me what kind of yogurt they liked to eat rather than what kind of yogurt they would be. Not a lot of abstract thinkers in that group.
4. Do you bruise easily? One guy immediately responded, “Emotionally.” I don’t think he’d last long on this board.
5. If I'm hurling, will you hold my hair out of the way for me? I was amazed at the number of immediate “NO’s” I got. One of the guys said, “Sure, for a while.” I thought that was pretty reasonable!
One of the other guys said, “Not unless you want me to join you.” I can totally relate as being around someone who is barfing generally evokes the same reaction from me.
6. If I needed help disposing of a body, could I count on you? No takers on this one. One guy immediately explained that he couldn’t, as he had SIX kids and just didn’t have time to visit the cross bar hotel. (SIX kids? Scratch that one off the list!) One guy very seriously explained that he was against all violence since he had become a feminist. (This guy also didn’t want to discuss the whip question.) Another guy offered to refer me to good defense counsel.
7. What law would you break if you knew you wouldn't be caught? I quickly learned I had to say “speeding” was not a sufficient answer. Most said there really wasn’t a law they wanted to break. The most original answer I got was “counterfeiting.” One guy explained that he’d already broken all the laws he wanted to break. From the looks of him, I really didn’t want to have him elaborate and I believe this was the same gentleman who offered to refer me to good defense counsel.
8. When you step out of the shower, what body part gets dried first? Let me just say: Man, who knew there were so many ways to dry the human body?
9. Can I look in your wallet? This question was one of my favorites. A lot of guys immediately gave an emphatic “NO!” A couple immediately reached for their wallets and handed them to me. I laughed and said I didn’t really want to look, I just wanted to know if they would let me look. A good response in each, the yes and no, categories:
Yeah sure, there are no condoms in there, new or used.
A very quick, very loud “NO!” followed by a discussion of what might be in there. When he said “just the normal stuff” I asked if that included his parole agent’s phone number. His face immediately lit up and he asked, “You been in?”
10. In a social setting which best describes you: Introvert, extrovert, or pervert? Guys seemed to like this question, although only one actually admitted to being a pervert.
I also asked them if their fly was open, would they want me to tell them. Hands down, Yes. But when I asked them if they would tell me if I had spinach in my teeth, several weren’t so willing to reciprocate.
I never got to the two optional questions. No need to ask if they still lived with their mom. Where that was the case, it was obvious. :rolleyes:
There was a dinner afterward and the discussions centered around the questions asked by those of us who brought our own. I’m proud to say that by popular demand, mine ended up getting passed around the table so the women could get a look and the best compliment I got all night was from a really fun woman named Meg, who announced, “I want to go drinking with her!”
There were a couple of complaints about me not asking the monkey question, but no one was willing to provide their answer to that one at the table in front of the group!
My favorite question from someone else was from a woman who came with 10 multiple choice questions, my 1st pick being:
Which is funnier:
A. A man slipping on a banana peel?
B. Telling your friends about a man slipping on a banana peel?
C. Banana peels in general?
D. A man avoiding slipping on a banana peel and falling into a manhole?
I have to admit I had some preconceived notions about the kind of people who would actually show up at an event like this. For the most part I was wrong. In general it was a pretty educated group of genuinely nice people, men and women. While there were no guys whose phone number I was dying to ask for, they were decent people and pretty much all had a pretty good sense of humor. Other than the feminist (who is a strict vegetarian and still lives with his mother - not that those two things necessarily go hand-in-hand :rolleyes: ) I wouldn’t mind running into any of them again.
Meg and I are going out next week.