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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 128
A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and�witch Doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that�we have long�� names, while The white men have shorter names like�Bill, Tex, Sam..."

His father replied, "Son,our names represent a symbol, a sign,�or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all� together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is� part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The� Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon� reflected in the lake.

Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because�he was born on a day that the big white horse who�gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. �It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken�Condom Made in China?

do I have to get shots to go there? 8o)
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to

start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided

to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been

a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was 'work' and how much of it was 'pleasure?'

The X.O. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the


There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS


With no hesitiation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The Colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, Sir, began the PFC, "if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent. God Bless the Marine Corps.

"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 700
Two hillbillies walk into a Bar, while having a shot of Wiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwhich, begins to cough, and after a minute or so, it becomes apparent she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says 'kin ya swallar'? The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'kin ya breathe'?
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbillie walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbillie walks slowly back to the Bar. His partner says "ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it.

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 316

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because
she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love Truly, Laugh uncontrollably.
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,041
OUCH!!!! crazy

When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.


After Mr. & Mrs. Fentiman retired, Mrs. Fentiman insisted her husband
accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fentiman
was like most men--he found shopping boring & preferred to get in &
get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she
loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fentiman received the following letter from her local

Dear Mrs. Fentiman,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fentiman are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the >
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's
on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera & used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna
look" by using different sizes of funnels (on the upper part of his chest,
of course) & nbsp;

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES

And last, but not least.....

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in



"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 5
Best Poems of the Year


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge hooters who owns a new bass boat, new truck, camper, a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Last edited by KathyF; 01/24/08 10:57 PM.
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 269
KathyF: That is so degrading and disrespectfull to men. I am really offended. Most men I know would gladly buy their own boat and truck.

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 3,677
Note to azbob. After watching your posts for awhile, it becomes apparent you are a true "bob". I like your style. smile


Been there, done that, the washing machine ate the T-shirt
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 3,281
Thanks Bobber, but your are the orginial and president of the "bob club". I will drink several Belikins in your honor starting in 38 days and hope to meet you some day on AC.

"Hold on Tight To Your Dreams" ELO
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