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Re: Smiles for the day [Re: ChrisW] #278438
04/28/08 11:32 AM
04/28/08 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 214
Maya Centre Village, Stann Cre...
MissLena Offline
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MissLena  Offline
How come I'm not smiling?

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: MissLena] #278446
04/28/08 12:42 PM
04/28/08 12:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 12,595
San Pedro Belize
elbert Offline
.
elbert  Offline
You should have your smiler looked at
It might be out of adjustment or you could be looking at it up side down.


White Sands Dive Shops Daily Blog
http://scubalessonsbelize.blogspot.com/
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: elbert] #278457
04/28/08 01:52 PM
04/28/08 01:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 214
Maya Centre Village, Stann Cre...
MissLena Offline
.
MissLena  Offline
You just want to see me stand on my head, L-B. I know you!

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: MissLena] #278486
04/28/08 05:55 PM
04/28/08 05:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,444
MSU
PalapaBob Offline
.
PalapaBob  Offline
Smiling (or at least smirking) is alot more fun Lena.


I've already told you more than I know.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: PalapaBob] #278559
04/29/08 08:37 AM
04/29/08 08:37 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 993
S.C.U.S.A
Bill Mc Ghee Offline
.
Bill Mc Ghee  Offline
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....
You will be really shocked by the last one!
Compared with Gasoline......
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?



This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ..... $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............(you won't believe it....but it is true........) $5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!



Never Use money to measure wealth
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Bill Mc Ghee] #278612
04/29/08 12:46 PM
04/29/08 12:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 225
North Dakota
Shopgirl Offline
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Shopgirl  Offline
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every business man in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more mone y. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton





"All people smile in the same language"
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Shopgirl] #278620
04/29/08 01:41 PM
04/29/08 01:41 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,823
San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye...
Amanda Syme Offline OP

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Amanda Syme  Offline OP
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY....................

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctor' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #278731
04/30/08 12:40 PM
04/30/08 12:40 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,823
San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye...
Amanda Syme Offline OP

.
Amanda Syme  Offline OP
Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


And


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.

A-*-*-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullsh*t and A** kissing that will put you over the top.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #278761
04/30/08 03:47 PM
04/30/08 03:47 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,823
San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye...
Amanda Syme Offline OP

.
Amanda Syme  Offline OP
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours”.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #278770
04/30/08 04:44 PM
04/30/08 04:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,416
maya beach
Barnacle Offline
.
Barnacle  Offline
A Fairy Tale,,,,

Once upon a time,, a long, long time ago,
there was a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But that was a very long time ago, and just that one day.

The End.


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