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Re: Smiles for the day [Re: VT-CDN] #401424
03/01/11 12:43 PM
03/01/11 12:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,925
inuvi
papashine Offline
.
papashine  Offline
laugh laugh now thats funny!!


Reality..What a concept!
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: papashine] #401432
03/01/11 03:12 PM
03/01/11 03:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,157
Plano,Tx
pugwash Offline

.
pugwash  Offline
West Texas Sheriffs applicant

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a law man. He grew up big, 6' 2'', and
strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang.
He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally became of age he applied to where he had only dreamed of
working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.

After a big mess of tests and interviews the Chief Deputy finally called him
into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy says: "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So
far your qualifications all look good. But we have what you call an
'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief
says:

"Take this pistol and go out and shoot:

six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six democrats,
and a rabbit"

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude. You pass." says the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"





It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #401433
03/01/11 03:42 PM
03/01/11 03:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline

The So. Dakota Department of government offices claimed a small Rapid City farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

SD Govt employee: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

Farmer: Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

SD Govt employee: That's the guy I want to talk to...the mentally challenged one.

Farmer: That would be me.



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #401438
03/01/11 05:54 PM
03/01/11 05:54 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 993
Palm Springs
Bing Crosby Offline
.
Bing Crosby  Offline
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six democrats,
and a rabbit"

Nothing like jokes about shooting people.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Bing Crosby] #401441
03/01/11 06:34 PM
03/01/11 06:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
Originally Posted by Bing Crosby
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six democrats,
and a rabbit"

Nothing like jokes about shooting people.


I think its safe to say that the readers of this web site are pretty level headed as well as adult thinkers and don't intend to take a joke out of context or shoot anyone whose name is not Bing Crosby


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #401442
03/01/11 06:39 PM
03/01/11 06:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 3,641
SW Florida
C
clover Offline
.
clover  Offline
C
hahahaha!!!

[Linked Image]

Now that's funny.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Bing Crosby] #401490
03/02/11 12:19 PM
03/02/11 12:19 PM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,157
Plano,Tx
pugwash Offline

.
pugwash  Offline
Originally Posted by Bing Crosby
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six democrats,
and a rabbit"

Nothing like jokes about shooting people.


The joke was a commentary about the sad state of our law enforcement in Texas...the subtlety was obviously wasted on you Bing and I will in future try and stick with "Pull My Finger" or "Pie in the Face" offerings that will be easier for you to understand......

Honest.....


It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #401494
03/02/11 03:17 PM
03/02/11 03:17 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 70,191
oregon, spr
Marty Online happy

.
Marty  Online Happy

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Marty] #401500
03/02/11 05:47 PM
03/02/11 05:47 PM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
E
Ernie B Offline
.
Ernie B  Offline
E
CAKE OR BED ???
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE,

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS..............................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER
GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!





Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #401652
03/03/11 11:39 PM
03/03/11 11:39 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 19
Mississippi, USA
J
Johnny18 Offline
.
Johnny18  Offline
J
A guy goes into a bar, & there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology

The guy leaves, but he is curious...

So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, the NFL, and Hockey.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time..

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini,"

The robot brings him another great martini and the robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50.."

The robot leans in real close and says,



"So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"

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