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Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #464985
05/22/13 11:54 AM
05/22/13 11:54 AM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
E
Ernie B Offline
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Ernie B  Offline
E
LOL !!!


Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Ernie B] #465548
05/30/13 06:49 AM
05/30/13 06:49 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,157
Plano,Tx
pugwash Offline

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pugwash  Offline
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.
She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars."
"Damn. All I've got is thirty."
"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
"A handjob," Harry replies.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.
He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"


It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #465793
06/03/13 09:29 AM
06/03/13 09:29 AM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 50
ohio
daddywags Offline
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daddywags  Offline
A guy is 72years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when
he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard
the voice say again,'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on
the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.'
Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into
the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are
envious and jealous, because
I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time,
reached over, picked it up carefully and
placed it in his shirt pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts?
Didn't you hear what I said?' I said,
'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket,
looked at the frog and said,

'Nah. At my age,
I'd rather have a talking frog.'


With age comes wisdom.

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: daddywags] #465797
06/03/13 10:02 AM
06/03/13 10:02 AM
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,850
Beautiful San Marcos, Texas
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Ernie B Offline
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Ernie B  Offline
E
LOL ! Good one Wags ! I know the feeling.


Gun Control is Hitting Your Target.
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #466042
06/06/13 11:01 AM
06/06/13 11:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
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champion  Offline
Border closing ceremony between Pakistan and India. A daily occurance. No, it's not a Monty Python Skit.

http://www.wimp.com/indiapakistan/


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #466121
06/07/13 07:29 AM
06/07/13 07:29 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.'



Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #466494
06/12/13 10:58 PM
06/12/13 10:58 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 526
Wet Coast of Canada, On an isl...
VT-CDN Offline
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VT-CDN  Offline


a lethal combination of smart dairyair and dumb dairyair .
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #466560
06/13/13 04:26 PM
06/13/13 04:26 PM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,953
San Pedro Town, Ambergris Caye...
Amanda Syme Offline OP

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Amanda Syme  Offline OP
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Dobermann thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep crap now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Dobermann exclaims loudly,


"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.


"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Dobermann nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Dobermann sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Dobermann says .......


"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...



Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Re: Smiles for the day [Re: Amanda Syme] #466602
06/14/13 07:53 AM
06/14/13 07:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,972
Coeur d'Alene Idaho, USA
champion Offline
.
champion  Offline
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep it from
getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering,
"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better looking it would lift itself."


Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol
Re: Smiles for the day [Re: champion] #466687
06/15/13 10:06 AM
06/15/13 10:06 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 3,157
Plano,Tx
pugwash Offline

.
pugwash  Offline
I filled in a job application this morning and under disabilities I put Narcolepsy and Tourettes Syndrome, so not only will I be able to sleep at work, but if someone tries to wake me up... I can tell them to [#%!] off.


It's rarely rocket science, it's usually just math: then again if you can't do the math.......
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